I know what you’re thinking, but this post is not going there.
No sirree. Not. Going. There.
When I say “redneck,” I’m not talking about the banjo-strumming hillbillies sitting in hand-hewn hickory rockers on a dilapidated front porch in the backwoods. Nor am I referring to the toothless woman living in the single-wide trailer perched on cinder blocks wearing a housecoat and curlers and toting a sawed off shotgun to protect her still hidden back in the holler. Nope, I’m talking about the redneck that lives inside each and every one of us.
That’s right. There’s a little bit of redneck in us all. For some, if might be way down deep, but it’s in there.
Take me for example. I’m hardly anyone’s vision of a redneck. Yet I have discovered that in times of need, that little redneck trait comes in handy.
You all know I just bought a house. Well, with a new house comes the need to fix-up and/or change some things to make it just exactly the way you want it. That usually involves new paint, new carpet, perhaps new cabinets in the kitchen. My new house is no different. But, having just bought the house, there is not a whole lot of money left in the coffers for these “fix-ups.” So . . . we improvise.
My new house has no window coverings. When we moved out of my dad’s house we left the window coverings. So, we have no window coverings. Until we save enough money for the new wood blinds ($2,400) we’re improvising. Here is my bedroom window, complete with redneck curtain:
An old sheet fits the bill nicely at night and when tied neatly in the middle with a bandana, offers a remarkable amount of sunlight to warm the bedroom with coziness during the day.
And here is my fancy, smanchy door covering for the French door in the bedroom:
A lot of folks would just throw out that old worn out beach towel, but not me. Nope I save such things for these occasions because I know there’s that little bit of redneck in me that just might require an old beach towel at some point. Like now. It’s perfect for providing privacy and darkness at night and easily removed during the day for delightful views of our lovely yard.
And for that tree in the yard that’s been sadly neglected, here’s a redneck quick fix to keep it from completely snapping off:
Yup, those are lead ropes no longer used as horse tack. When hooked together they make a very nice redneck tree keeper-upper.
So you’re all thinking, “Yup, she’s definitely a little bit redneck.” But that’s okay because I know there’s a little bit of hillbilly in each of you too. Stop gasping and hear me out. Who here has not used duct tape to fix something? Come on, hands in the air. Who doesn’t love duct tape? Especially nowadays when it comes in such lovely fashionable colors instead of basic silver.
Like it or not folks, whenever you use the duct tape, you’re showing your redneck tendencies. Duct tape was made by hillbillies for hillbillies. Don’t get me wrong – duct tape is amazing! It can fix dang near anything. It’s affordable. And you can find it just about anywhere. Here are some examples of the “only-a-little-bit-redneck” way to use duct tape:
And here are some examples of how using duct tape:
is
just
Wrong.
So use the duct tape my friends, but use it wisely lest you find yourself right smack dab in the middle of Redneckville!
So that’s my blog for this month. I’d love to hear from you all about your sojourns into redneckville or your experiences with duct tape. Don’t be shy. Embrace your inner redneck! I have.
Word of the day: Interrobang
Fun fact about me: My husband and I were each married to a different person on exactly the same day 26 years ago.
OK – I am still laughing over the use of the duct tape and had to share that last photo with hubby. He says one must be tough to pull that stuff off without screaming. Hmmmm wondering how he knows this??
Isn’t it amazing how imaginative one can be during times of need. I know the tape is used around our house, but no colorful strips yet.
Congrats on the new house. I see nothing unusual with your redneck tactics. I think you’ve come up with a satisfactory way to handle the situation. Have fun nesting and fixing up your new home.
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Thank you my friend! While I was at the RWA national conference in Anaheim our new carpet was installed upstairs. I came home to beautiful, quiet floors in the bedrooms and hallway. Friday the blinds are coming so the sheets and towels can be put to use elsewhere, but it’s been an – unusual – first few weeks in the new house.
Finally found out what was making the strange noises in the woods too. That’s another post (just to keep you coming back for more).
Good to see you, Paisley!
Patricia
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How nice to come home and have new carpet! Isn’t that wonderful?
I once had an umbrella that broke along the little metal spines, and we couldn’t find a new one in any store. My husband duct taped it all together. I was embarrassed, but desperate, so I used it. Yes, I displayed my redneck tendencies in public.
At the school where I teach, the kids are all into making wallets out of the colorful duct tape. A few kids even sell them for $5 a pop.
A few years ago, a girl gave me a rose she made out of duct tape.
I think you can do just about anything with duct tape except eat it.
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Duct tape is an amazing phenomenon indeed. Wish I’d have invented it.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your “redneck” experiences.
Patricia
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Sorry but Placerville just SCREAMS REDNECK, and I am one of them! I thought I could save my Playtex Diva Rubber Gloves, you know, the ones with the fancy colors that go up to your elbows. Well anyway, I keep getting a hole in one finger, so I tried to duct tape it. I thought this was rather clever actually, but soon discovered, it didn’t work very well!! Oh well…….!!!!
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Haaaaaaa! I am laughing at that image. And at the very fact that you have Playtex DIVA rubber gloves. Not just your ordinary rubber gloves – no – not for my friend, Kay; she needs the Diva gloves. LOVE IT!
Thanks for stopping by, Kay. See you at the gym my dancing friend.
Patricia
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I LOVE you Patty, you are SO AWESOME!!! You always put a smile on my face! Thank you for being my friend, we have had some GREAT times haven’t we!!!
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Great post, Patricia. One of the funniest and most amusing I’ve ever read! And one I sure can relate to. I’m always jerry-rigging things together! And those photos, what a riot! You have gorgeous views from your windows. I love those wooden blinds, too, but oh so expensive. They’re going to look awesome when you get them. In the meantime, hey, that sheet works perfectly fine!
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You see? I knew there would be those people out there willing to admit that they are a little bit redneck. It’s not a bad thing. As you say, jerry-rigging is a necessary thing. Sure, it’s redneck sometimes, but whatever works. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do!
Thanks for stopping by.
Patricia
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Eww, wish I hadn’t seen that image of the guy who used duct tape to cover his butt crack. On the other hand, I’m glad he covered up.
I, too, have used old sheets and towels to drape windows temporarily. In the winter, those old sheets and towels cover tender outdoor plants when a freeze is expected. It’s fun to walk around the neighborhood on a cold day and see the motley collections of striped, flowered, checked, and bleach-stained sheets and towels spread over plants.
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Yes Pat, I’ve used the towels and sheets for that too! And I’ve rolled them up and stuffed them under doors to keep the warm air in and the cold air out of the garage where the puppies have slept over the years.
Thanks for stopping by, Pat. Always nice to see your smiling face.
Patricia
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LOL this is a great post! One of my friends when we were all young and cash-strapped stacked boxes in her windows since she had no curtains! I think she had some old beach towels, too – she always used to complain how “briary” it looked, but the boxes and towels stayed until they moved a couple years later!
I’m afraid I’m not too far from Redneck-dom myself – my brother has a coat patched with duct tape in multiple places. He has others, but that’s his fave. He keeps hoping to see himself on peopleofwalmart.com, but I don’t think he has enough (any) inappropriate skin exposure.
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That’s a great story, Jennette! Everyone has used duct tape for something at least once in their life. It’s amazing stuff, yet tacky as all get-out.
I still have some of the early-Americana cardboard decore around the house too. Trying to find places for all the “stuff” isn’t always easy to do so I just use the boxes as decorating accessories until I find each thing a home.
Thanks for stopping by Jennette!
Patricia
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Another use for duct tape, and a good one, because who wants to see crack? 🙂 I understand the window thing. I just put a shade and curtains on my office window. For 8 years, I propped a poster board on the window sill.
Now I know that’s my inner redneck!? (kind of an interrobang, right?)
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Haaaaa! Exactly an interrobang.
I’m loving everyone’s stories about what they used to cover their windows. My husband thinks I’m nuts because I can’t sleep at night if there’s not something covering the windows, but hey, I can’t.
Always fun to see your comments, Colleen. Thanks for your blog support and for continuing to look those words up!
Patricia
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You know, I was thinking that guy could use a little crack bedazzle. LOL! You’re right though, we probably all use duck tape to some degree. But DANG! My mom used to use super glue for everything. 😀
Your home is going to be amazing when you are finished. Window coverings are expensive, but make such a big difference. You will be so happy you did it. Yay for all the improvements. Sorry I missed you at RWA. We should have swapped numbers.
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Oh dear. Where do you find these things? The expression on the lady’s face in the video is priceless.
Is it duck tape? Really? I’ve always called it duct tape. Maybe it’s one of those either/or deals. Hmmmm. Research is in order.
Thanks for sharing.
Patricia
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No, it’s duct tape. Mine is a typo. LOL.
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Way too funny and much too true. I’ve done the sheets as curtains thing many times in my life. They work great, already have the place for the curtain rod to fit through, what’s not to love about them? As for duct tape… oy. My dad used to duct tape our shoes when they got a hole in the bottom. Everything got duct taped. Of course, we didn’t have the cool colors back then, so I often had to go to school with grey duct tape holding my pants up or my backpack together, even my bike seat got duct taped. He’s still crazy with the duct tape, but not as bad as when we were growing up. Still, if there’s something broken and my dad is visiting, I hide it and the duct tape. We can’t take any chances with that man.
Won’t that tape hurt when that man goes to remove his butt crack tape? Ouch.
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Hi Tameri! (Waving madly!) Glad you stopped by.
The blinds have arrived!! They look awesome and are putting up a hard fight against the 100+ degree temps outside.
Men especially seem to really love the duct tape, although I usually use it as a last resort. It’s amazing stuff I’ve got to admit.
Duct tape on my shoes? Only to finish out the day, but as soon as I get home, those shoes are history. But then again I’ll use any excuse to buy shoes.
Yes, the butt crack is going to sting a little I think when the tape is removed. Perhaps he’ll learn his lesson.
Patricia
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LOVE it! ROFL!
So y’all know I am more than a little redneck. I own a camp. In the middle of the woods. With no running water or electricity. And I go there for FUN! I use an outhouse or will just go in the woods if the mood strikes. I own a COLLECTION of luggable loos (for a variety of different activities).
Hubby and I have used duck tape to patch two holes in the bottom of a canoe (which were put there after hitting a very large rock that I missed seeing…could have been beer related but I’ll never tell). The duck tape held for more than 2 hours so we could finish the run.
Need I say more???
Long live our little (or large) inner rednecks!
STELLAR post! LOL!
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Long live red necks!
Everyone has a duct tape story. Everyone. Duct tape, like cancer, knows no social boundaries.
I want to come visit your camp in the woods. Sounds heavenly!
Thanks for visiting, Natalie.
Patricia
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