Early this year, I started working on my latest book, the second in a series, which starts with a book I’ve called The Ties That Bind. If you’re interested you can check out my storyboard for this book here: http://www.pinterest.com/jansenschmidt/the-ties-that-bind/
Here’s an excerpt from the second book, Broken Ties:
“I’m home,” Bailey sing-songed as she pushed open the front door. She’d practically begged her mother to accompany her to the bridal store to pick up her gown, veil, shoes and other accouterments, but her mother had insisted that Bailey go alone. The final fitting appointment was at eight and her mother was not a morning person. “I’ll have a surprise waiting when you get back,” she’d said.
Bailey looked around the living room for the crepe paper streamers and balloons she’d imagined would fill the room when she arrived; the bridal shower she’d never had.
“Mom?”
Still holding the dress, she went to the kitchen and peered around the corner, ready to act surprised if the room was full of people anxious to congratulate her and get the party started. She frowned at the ominously silent kitchen, no cake or party snacks anywhere to be found. With a frustrated sigh she retraced her steps and headed down the hallway towards the bedrooms. Muffled voices and soft giggles emanated from behind the closed master bedroom door.
Bailey smiled. “Good one, Mom,” she said softly. “Hide the guests in the bedroom. Sneaky.”
Tiptoeing closer she stifled the giggle that threatened to escape at her idea to turn the tables on them and burst through the door yelling surprise instead of letting it happen the other way around.
“My God, Marion, you’re amazing!”
Bailey stilled at her finance’s words. What fantastic surprise awaited her behind that door that Lowell would think was amazing?
“Faster, Lowell. She’ll be home any minute.”
As usual, her mother hadn’t planned accordingly and now Bailey was going to ruin the surprise because she’d arrived home before everything was in place. She stuck a knuckle in her mouth and bit down. She should wait until everything was perfect before barging in, but her excitement was about to bubble over. Most likely they were putting together the photo collage she’d wanted to display at the reception with photos of her and Lowell over the past year.
She reached for the door, touched the handle then pulled her fingers away. She bounced around in a circle and hunched her shoulders as anticipation pinged along every nerve ending.
“That’s it, Lowell. Right there. Oh, yes. Yes, that’s perfect.”
Her mother sounded as breathy and excited as Bailey felt. Unable to squelch the urge any longer, she turned the knob and stepped into the room. “Surprise!”
Several things happened at once, but Bailey’s mind switched into super slow motion and only registered one single snapshot–her mother’s arched back and naked breasts bouncing, her bare ass gripped in Lowell’s hands. The words “Bailey” and “shit” oozed through the gel of confusion muddling her brain. Naked bodies tumbled to the floor, bedding twisted around exposed body parts, the wedding dress slid to the floor in a puddle of ivory silk, iridescent sequins and crystal beads.
Would you keep reading? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Don’t be shy, if I didn’t want to know, I wouldn’t have asked. My story boards for this book are available here: http://www.pinterest.com/jansenschmidt/broken-ties/
Word of the Day: Fitchew. I’ll give you a hint: it’s not this “That dress is too big. It doesn’t fitchew right.”
Fun fact about me: I really like to cook and to try new recipes.
Original post by Jansen Schmidt, March 2014. Excerpt Broken Ties, original work by Jansen Schmidt. Photos courtesy Google Images
I’d keep reading. And you know I’d not lie. I would read because it’s good and to fine out how Sleazy and Mommy Dearest get what’s coming to them … No pun you know. 😉
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Good morning my Texas friend – so good to see your smiling face this fine morning.
I love that’d you’d want to keep reading. This is how my first chapter ends so it’s nice to know that you’d want to turn the page to see what happens.
I hope things are well in your world.
Patricia
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I’d keep reading…just to make sure Bailey kicked her mom’s ass and then sliced an important part off her ex-fiance!! Gah! What a nightmare–first, seeing your mother naked and having sex. With your fiance. Too much. Talk about conflict.
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Hi Coleen – doesn’t it just freak you out. After I wrote this I felt like I needed to take a shower and gargle with an extra heavy dose of mouthwash. Yuck, yuck, yuck.
Surprisingly, I’m not sure how I’m going to wrap us the finance issue – I definitely know how Mommy Dearest gets her come-uppance. I guess you’ll have to keep reading to find out.
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to evaluate my work. It’s nice to hear that I’m on track.
Patricia
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Oh, yeah! I’d keep reading for all the above mentioned reasons but also to see how Bailey bounces from such a betrayal. Good job!
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Oh – that’s good to hear. Thanks for stopping by Diana. i appreciate the feed back.
Patricia
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Great job! Poor Bailey, she just can’t seem to pick a winner, can she? 😉
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No she cannot. That is her greatest flaw. She’s a very beautiful woman but she has absolutely no self-confidence and she keeps dating total losers.
She finds a good one in this book though, but not until after she picks yet another bad one first. Hard to break that cycle.
Thanks for the feed back. I’m looking forward to your thoughts when you do your critiquing.
Patricia
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Hi there,
I would keep reading to find out what happens to her mom and fiance–karma’s a bitch, I hope. I like how your heroine is kind of clueless, wanting to think the best of people. The only thing I’d tweak a bit is her reaction once she hears the comments behind the closed doors. If she heard those comments, I think she’d immediately know what’s going on. The fact that she doesn’t and keeps thinking it’s her surprise party back there is a bit unbelievable. Maybe she doesn’t hear specific dialogue but just some giggling and muttered words she can’t understand. Found a couple of typos, too, but those can be fixed in editing stage. 🙂
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Hi Rebecca and thanks for stopping by and leaving your thoughts. I’ll definitely go look for those typos and re-think the dialogue coming from behind the closed doors. But, my heroine is a bit naive and completely overcome with excitement about the wedding, so maybe . . .
Good things to think about. I’m glad you’re interested enough to keep reading, though. That’s a good sign.
Patricia
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Oh yeah. I’d read. I’d want to see her punch Mom out and castrate the bastard. No tears though. Surprise, shock and pissed off. That’s what I’d do. Can’t wait to see what you do.
Kathye
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Oh that’s good to hear. Thanks for commenting, Kathye.
Bailey gets her revenge in a less violent way, but still it’s revenge. She hurts him where it hurts the most – and it’s not in his pants.
I think the general consensus is that folks are liking the beginning so far. That makes me feel like I’m on the right track.
Patricia
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You probably have enough comments, but I join the consensus that no one is going to stop reading at this point…we definitely want to know what’s going to happen next! Love your lively prose, too.
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Thanks Cathy and I never have enough input. I love to hear what others think and the more people who like it, the better. I need a lot of reassurance that I’m on the right track with my writing.
I appreciate you taking the time to stop by and leave a comment, especially a positive one.
Maybe I’ll post another snippet later. Just to keep ya’ll guessing what’s going to happen.
Patricia
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Well, now I’m upset. That is one beautiful dress! What a waste! Ooh, I hate the mother already Patricia. And what a stinky fiancé! You have a masterful mind girl. Well done! (By the way, I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to meet. In any case, I hear that you had a fantastic time at the Magic Kingdom.) 🙂
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Hi Karen – I’m sorry we couldn’t hook up either. I wish we’d had a car then we could have ventured out farther to meet some more folks. It was so lovely to meet Jenny. She’s a dear.
Thanks for the kind words. Yes the guy’s a stinker, but my heroine tends to pick losers. That’s her big flaw. She eventually finds a keeper though.
And mommy dearest – oh she’s got issues.
Thanks for your support, Karen. Always so nice to see you over here at the Edge of Eternity!
Patricia
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I sure would! Nothing like some raunchy storytelling.That, and I want to see mom and daugter brawl!
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Ha – that’s funny, Phil. Mom and daughter will not brawl but daughter’s new boyfriend sure gives her an earful later on. She’s a vision of nastiness.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Always nice to get a man’s perspective, especially on the raunch and brawl issues.
Patricia
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I’d keep reading. I would make it less obvious what’s going on in the bedroom. I had already guessed.
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Hi Susie – you’re the second person to point that out so I’ll probably do some editing in that little section.
I’m glad you’re willing to keep reading though.
Thanks for your support.
Patricia
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I think I’d keep reading. Just a suggestion. The wedding gown would be in a carry-on bag–or at least have something over it to protect it. I know, picky, picky, picky. That’s why you asked, right?
Dee Brice
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Hi Dee – so good to see you over here at the Edge of Eternity. Good to see my SVR gals giving support.
You know, earlier on in the chapter I mentioned that the dress had a clear plastic covering on it. You wouldn’t know that though from this snippet.
Thanks for your suggestions. I’m always looking for ways to improve my writing. If I didn’t want to know, I wouldn’t have asked.
Patricia
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Talk about a cliff-hanger! Great start to your story, P! Agree with other commenters re: figuring out what was going on in the bedroom a couple paragraphs earlier. But if you’re setting the stage for Bailey being sweet and a little naïve, you’ve hit the nail on the head!
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Hi Mad – thanks for visiting and commenting. I appreciate seeing my SVR pals.
Yes, Bailey is definitely naive, but she has been around the block at least once so, I tend to agree that she’d probably be suspicious. Of course no one (I hope anyway) would suspect that their mother and soon-to-be husband would be doing the nasty 4 days before the wedding, either. I’ll re-work that a little to amplify the shock.
I’m glad you’d want to keep reading at this point.
Patricia
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Hi Patricia! Yes, I have to echo the comments that I already knew what was happening in the bedroom. But I was shocked at how naive Bailey was. I had to reread a few lines to make sure she truly was that naive! Anyway, I hope she burns down that house with the dastardly duo in it. That’s not too harsh, is it?
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I love how you’re so concerned about being too mean. She cannot burn the house down because she’s a renter, but she does get revenge against them both ultimately; Lowell where it hurts the most (not in his pants either) and Mommy Dearest with comeuppance at the very end of the book.
I will be re-working the paragraphs leading up to the “surprise” moment but I’m glad you’d want to keep reading. That’s the important part.
Bailey is naive and she continues to keep making the same stupid mistakes where men are concerned. I guess that why – in my mind anyway – she doesn’t suspect anything untoward. She just thinks nobody’s going to hurt her even though she’s been burned several times in the past. That’s this girl’s biggest flaw. And of course when she finally gets determined to not be burned again, she meets the right guy. Gotta love how these romance novels work.
Thanks for stopping by with your thoughts. I find everyone’s input very helpful.
Patricia
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Yes! Always enjoy what I read here. 🙂 Definitely want to turn the page, Patricia! Oh and now I’m totally going to use fitchew as fit you. I’m sure the polecat won’t mind.
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Hi Coleen – I’m so glad you’d want to keep reading. Turning pages is what we want our readers to do.
And I do believe you are right – the polecat won’t mind a bit if you use my version of fitchew. Have fun with it.
Patricia
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I can’t think of a single person I know who wouldn’t keep reading. Dang!
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Thanks Lynn. That’s so good to hear!
Patricia
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Tremendous things here. I’m very glad to see
your post. Thank you a lot and I’m having a look ahead to touch you.
Will you kindly drop me a e-mail?
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We stumbled over here from a different web address and thought I might as well check things out.
I like what I see so i am just following you.
Look forward to exploring your web page repeatedly.
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