The menopause saga continues folks and let me tell you, it gets weirder and weirder. I have to laugh, because my only other choice is to cry myself into a padded room. And let me start by saying that men definitely got off easier (again) on the whole aging thing. I mean, at mid-life they just buy an expensive sports car and – bam – they’re over it and move on into their golden years.
Women however, we experience mid-life differently. Most get the “usual” physical symptoms, hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, bulging bellies. But not me my friends. No sirree, not me, although my belly does bulge a little. I have all of the “other” symptoms. I ones you never hear about.
Let me explain. For awhile now I’ve been experiencing some strange little things in my body. Things like a sore thumb one day, a sore wrist the next three, creaking knees the following week. No injury, no apparent reason for the pain. And, sometimes while I’m driving, my fingers go numb; my feet often “go to sleep” when I’m watching TV. I’ve also been having extreme vision issues, issues not correctable (or explainable) by my eye doctor. I wear a different bi-focal contact lens in each eye and I still have to wear glasses sometimes. And then there’s days when I just can’t seem to see at all, my vision is so blurry. And my eyes hurt. They feel dry and gritty and they twitch. A lot. But then at night, when I lay down to try to sleep, they water like crazy, soaking my pillow on both sides of my head. What the heck? What is this madness?
Where am I going with this? I’ll tell you. I did some research on WebMD.com for dry eyes and joint pain. Both list possible causes for the ailment and potential remedies. But way down on the list for each problem I found that these conditions may be the result of menopause. Say what? Dry eyes and joint pain are menopause symptoms?
Apparently so. And this created a burning need to research menopause a little deeper, leading me to a long list of “unusual” symptoms of menopause. Holy cow! I have more than half of those “unusual” symptoms. And what’s even funnier are the suggested homeopathic treatments for the symptoms.
Here’s an abbreviated list of lesser known menopause symptoms: loss of bladder control, extreme fatigue, inability to concentrate, tingling extremities, irregular heartbeat, anxiety, weight gain, hair loss, brittle nails, and bloating.
Here’s a partial list of cures: drink lots of water, exercise, get lots of rest.
Okie dokie. Let’s just back the apple cart up a little bit here shall we?
My symptom is loss of bladder control and you tell me to “drink lots of water?” Really? How is this helpful? I cannot sleep more than two hours at night and you’re telling me that the cure is to “get lots of rest?” Well duh. And wouldn’t that be nice? And you say that more exercise will cure the weight retention and bloating issues? Yeah, maybe under normal conditions, but, I am so freaking tired there is no way in hell I’m going to exercise more. I can barely get through one 1-hour zumba class a week. Most of my exercise these days consists of getting up from my two-hour nap each night.
And I might experience anxiety. You think? I’m pretty sure that getting only two hours of sleep each night might make me a little — how shall I say this — tense. Not to mention my hair is thinning at an alarming rate. And my heartbeat is so irregular I think I’m having a heart attack and in fact, consider waking my husband up to have him drive me to the emergency room. I’m pretty sure, this symptom would make anyone anxious.
This article is really funny.
I little farther down on this ever-so-helpful site I read that menopause can last anywhere from twelve months to twelve years. ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME? Twelve freaking years?!? Nothing anxious about that. Can’t I just buy a Corvette and be rid of it?
But here is the kicker my friends; the suggestion that makes me laugh the hardest and longest. The article recommends avoiding alcohol. Seriously? I have 52 things wrong with me and if I drink enough water and get enough exercise and rest in twelve years they MAY go away. But, in those twelve years I’m not to have a drink? Like that’s really going to happen. If there is one thing I really, truly NEED at this very moment in my life, it is alcohol. Please dear God, let me never be out of alcohol. (Unless you bring me a Corvette, then I might reconsider.)
So, I know it’s a bit tongue-in-cheek, but seriously, if you read about your symptoms on the web, you may be enlightened. Or mislead. Or entertained. I was definitely entertained at the end of my on-line research. However, I am a little less worried about all of the little crazy symptoms I’m having. There’s light at the end of the twelve-year tunnel that they may go away. Seems I’m not having a heart attack, I’m simply anxious. And I’m definitely going to try staying up all night exercising and drinking water since, Lord knows, I certainly won’t be sleeping.
So (everybody raise your glass), here’s to aging, hair loss, peeing your pants, being awake all night, slightly overweight, anxious and blurry-eyed. I thank the good Lord every single day that I am generally healthy, happy, mobile, employed, and do not have some horrible debilitating disease, or chronic condition impacting my life in ways too unspeakable to mention here. If getting old means having a few aches and pains and anxiety along the way, so be it. I’ll take every day I am blessed to live. Even without a Corvette.
How about you readers: have you ever experienced any unusual or unexplainable condition that worried you? Do you try to self-diagnose? Do you rely on information you read on the web? Ever find a silly suggestion to fix a problem?
And, if I haven’t told you lately, I am blessed to call you all friends and thankful for your support.
Word of the Day: Nide
Fun fact about me: If it were practical and affordable I would drive an expensive sports car every single day. (And that’s not just the menopause talking.)
Original post by Jansen Schmidt, May 2015. Photos courtesy Google Images.
Hi Patricia,
Who would’ve ever thought your myriad symptoms would all be related to menopause? I’ve definitely had the heart palpitations. They were so bad for a year that I’m now taking a beta blocker to help with the symptoms. And every year when I see my GYN and she tells me, good news, you’re nowhere near menopause (at 54), I groan. Are you kidding me? All SEVEN of my sisters went thru it earlier than I did. How’d I get so lucky?
Hang it there, we SHALL triumph and kick menopause’s butts!
Suzanne
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Oh we shall rise above the madness – like a ninja warrior!! My doctor tells me that my hormone count is in the “normal” range too, but I’m pretty sure all this weirdness is my old gal body telling me something. I guess we’ll just have to see if it gets worse. Heaven help us!
Thanks for stopping by with the encouragement. We gals need to stick together.
Patricia
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You poor thing, getting all the “weird” and worst side-effects of menopause. I don’t function without a good night’s sleep, so high-five to you for keeping on keeping on. But that list you mentioned? I’ve got some of those symptoms already. NOOOOO! Let’s go Corvette shopping together and binge-drinking afterward.
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I am soooo with you girlfriend. Even if we just test drive a vette, I’d be happy. I’m always too scared to get behind the wheel of a car with that much power. I’m pretty sure I’d be pushing some scary boundaries with that much car beneath me.
Binge drinking is always fun once in a while. I mean, I’m not going to sleep anyway, so might as well stay up and party.
Thanks for swiging by on this holiday Monday. I hope you have a fantastic week.
Patricia
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Hilarious, Patricia. I had one you didn’t mention…itchy skin. My forearms and thighs itched like things were crawling on them. Ugh.Taking lots of Vitamin D helped. The doctors tell us about calcium, but Vitamin D is a more common deficiency. I also use eye drops and nose spray every morning and evening when I brush my teeth. Fun times ahead, right?
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Oh Debra, I’m telling you, had I known what was in store . . . well, I guess there’s nothing I could have done. So, I’m laughing at myself and having a good time getting old. At least I’m in good company right?
Thanks for stopping by. Now I’ll probably be scratching all night.
Patricia
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Ah-h the good and the bad of aging, gracefully?? Laughed all the way through your blog post. Yes, I’ve had some of the symptoms. Sometimes feel like I’m standing in warm water up to my knees! No period, but I would get one horrible PMS day a month. When I had periods I never had PMS!! Anyone who would walk in my office I was angry with for no reason. The next day I’d think, why was I so up set? Never had an answer. Hormones and lack of hormones do some crazy things to us women. Great post!!
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Oh Diana – let me tell you – I have had days where I’ve just wanted to shoot everyone. Everyone is stupid and annoying. At least I know what’s going on and I can just tell myself it’s me and usually that helps. But some days – arrrgggg.
Thanks for dropping by with words of encouragement. Nothing we can do but laugh right?
Patricia
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Loved this post! And boy, can I relate. I had no idea that the heart palpitations and itchy skin and major irritability could be menopause related.
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Oh Rebecca, lately I’m attributing everything menopause. The other day it was raining and, because we live in California and it so rarely rains in May, I asked my husband if it was raining or if it was just my perception of the day. Turns out, it was really raining.
Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. It’s always nice to know that all women go through this and we can laugh about it. I hope to see you again over here at the Edge of Eternity.
Patricia
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I lost the filter between my brain and my mouth during menopause. While this reduces my stress level somewhat (finally saying ALL THE THINGS I bit back before), my friends and family would like to have the “old me” back. Really. 😉
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Oh dear. I’ve never had much of a filter to begin with, but I sure do curse like a sailor in my brain. If I didn’t work in a professional office I’m pretty sure I’d let loose some times as well.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I love knowing I’m not alone in this journey. I hope to see you here again.
Patricia
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I hear you girls! During the last ten weeks or so, I appear to have been catapulted by Mother Nature into the not so sexy realms of being a woman (54 next month) and well and truly into the menopause! After three years of not knowing whether I am coming or going (literally!) here I am living with the big M. So, it’s geranium oil on my tummy to get me through the now limited number of hot flashes during the day – after crawling out of bed at 10am because I haven’t slept a wink since 3am. I’ve ditched my favorite perfumes for peppermint oil – lovely on my neck when I feel the temperature rising. Nothing as yet to limit the amount of laundry, night wear and bed linen that goes in the washing machine these days! As for the ‘dryness’ well, no-one likes a dry water slide, but after reading the very long list of possible side-effects of a specially formulated HRT cream offered by my very understanding doctor, the water park was closed until I found an alternative! Oh! the humiliation of it all, who said romance was dead! Did I mentiont the anti-depressants? No? For another day, perhaps. Good luck ladies 🙂
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Oh Diane – welcome to womanhood indeed. Sounds like you got hit hard and fast. Believe it or not, I’ve heard that olive oil is good for the water slide problem. I’ve not had to try it (thank the good Lord for that), but at least it’s natural and relatively inexpensive. I say, give it a whirl. You’ve gotta wash those bed sheet anyway right?
But there’s hope, give it a dozen years or so and see if it gets better. At least that’s according to WebMD. Ha.
Thanks for sharing Diane. It’s always fun to commiserate with like-minded individuals.
Patricia
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Menopause sucks, doesn’t it? I was just starting to get the hot flashes before I went to Happy Hormone Cottage (not joking, that’s what it’s called LOL), but they stopped after I started on their bioidentical progesterone. It really helps! I am still tired most of the time and don’t sleep as well as I’d like, but it’s better than it was before. Multivitamins, additional Vitamin B & D, and fish oil also help with some of the other symptoms. Most regular doctors just don’t have the info or training to really treat this stuff, or they rely on big pharma’s solutions, which can have nasty side effects, while the bioidenticals seldom do. Seriously, read Suzanne Sommers’ book “I’m Too Young For This.” Great info, with a good dose of humor.
Also, Camaro! After five years I still love mine, and the V6 isn’t scary-fast but has plenty of oomph and is so much fun!
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The Happy Hormone Cottage? I’m going to check that out, if for no other reason than it sounds like a hoot.
I’ve double dosed my vitamins as well and I actually have tried to cut back on my alcohol consumption, but I suppose it’s going to get worse before it gets better. At least I know I’m among friends.
Good suggestions, Jennette. I’m off to do some internet exploring. Have a great week.
Patricia
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Googling symptoms is like a disorder in itself for me! Must stop. But good to know I’m not the only one. 😉
Nide is new for me (you’re always keeping me in the know, Patricia!) and kinda extra relevant seeing as I saw a nide of pheasants at the zoo last week!
Hope you’re feeling good this week.
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You saw a nide of pheasants? How cool. I hope there were babies. It always makes me smile when I hear you’ve learned a new word. Makes me try just a little harder each week to stump you.
I’m actually feeling great. Sleep is over rated anyway right?
Have a great week. See you next time.
Patricia
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Sweet Patricia/Jansen:
I was laughing so hard when I read this that my dog came and put her paw on my leg, thinking I was in trouble. So thanks for that! Kinda sorry to tell you that it occurred to me one day in my mid-40s that I hadn’t had a period in several months. That was the extent of my menopause. Don’t hate me. 😉 I DO hope you’re feeling better when I see you next week. Can’t wait! ❤
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Well Madeline, I guess some folks are just lucky that way. I suppose you’ve “suffered” somewhere else along the line.
I am really looking forward to seeing you next week!
Thanks for stopping by and enjoying my twisted sense of humor.
Patricia
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