Santa’s Report Card

So, the holidays are officially over and 2017 is underway. I’d like to say thank you to all my readers for continuing to follow me into the new year. I hope I continue to bring a smile to your Mondays.

Let’s reflect back a couple of weeks and see how this Christmas stacked up. Because there are so many aspects to consider, I’m going to narrow my focus to one thing – Santa Claus.

That’s right, the fat man in the red suit whose only job is to deliver gifts to good little boys and girls all over the world in one 24-hour period. I’m not sure how he does it, but he manages somehow.

So, let’s see what Santa was up against this year. I perused the Letters to Santa in my local paper and was quite amused to say the least. There are always those “normal” kids who want normal things like games, Barbie dolls, money, bikes and that sort of thing. I-phones and hover boards were especially popular this year. One kid even wanted a billion dollars. (I like how he thinks.) Tatiana wanted a lot of stuff, but insisted it all be pink or gold. Not sure what’s up with that, but there it was in black and white for the entire town to see. Don’t give that girl a green sweater or blue socks. No sirreee.

Of course I saw those heart-wrenching letters from kids wanting things like, their parents to get back together, or their daddy to come home so he could play with them. (Sniff, and dear Lord, please let one of those kids get their wish.)

What I found really amusing were the not-so-usual gift requests. Things like cash registers, pogo sticks, a chalkboard, and a “wubber chikin.” One sick-o requested — and I quote — “lots of homework.” (Seriously?) Another little redneck serial-killer-in-the-making requested a gun, a knife, some bullets, a chainsaw, a costume, and a helmet. Nope, nothing weird about those requests. I hope Santa reported that kid to the authorities.

A couple of my favorites: a dragon (well duh, who doesn’t want a dragon?), a “stuft bar” (again – who doesn’t want their bar to be stuffed?), and a Mickey Mouse Cruisin’ Camper. I didn’t even know Mickey had a cruisin’ camper. Now, of course, I want one, too. (Note to self, start 2017 Christmas list with Mickey’s Cruisin’ Camper.)

I was thoroughly amused by most of the letters written by kids anywhere from four to ten years old. Most kids were inquisitive in their missives, wanting to know how the reindeer are, what the temperature was at the North Pole and what Santa’s favorite cookies are. Some added caveats about why they haven’t been especially good this year, including this little gem — again, I quote — “I’m trying to meet my goal,” followed by a litany of justifications why the goal had not been met. Perhaps a future lawyer?

Here’s one that captured my immediate attention, and it’s been especially well thought out:

“Dear Santa, I want to ask you something, can I get a cute little boy puppy, a green four weeler, (sic) and a little care pack for the puppy like food, treats, chew toys and please don’t forget his cute little callor (sic). Now that you know what I want for Christmas lets talk more about the puppy. I don’t want one of those yappy little dogs, I want a big dog. But it has to be a boy and no ear or tail clippings. It has to be a big dog. Can you put my new little/big puppy up a stocking to? Love Isabella.”

I’m not keen on stuffing a puppy up a stocking, but I hope, I really, really hope, darling little Isabella got that cute little big boy puppy with tail and ears intact, don’t you?

So, how did Santa do?

Well, I have no idea if those kids got their hover boards or i-phones or chalkboards or chainsaws, if Isabella got her big boy puppy, or Tatiana got something pink, but I do know that we are nowhere near having peace on earth or goodwill to men. So, in that regard, Santa gets a big fat “F.” However, I’d have to give him “A’s” in the eating cookies and kissing mommies under the mistletoe departments. As far as my personal Santa, he gets an “A+.” Here’s what was under my tree:

Does Santa know me or what?

What does Santa’s report card look like in your house? Any surprises? Do you like to read the letters to Santa in your hometown paper?

Thanks for starting the year off right here at The Edge of Eternity. Keep the comments and likes coming.

Word of the day: tergiversation

Fun fat about me: I’ve never written a letter to Santa.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, January 2017. Photos courtesy Google Images and The Bradford Exchange.