The Baer-Williams House was the scene of a very lovely afternoon garden wedding a couple of weeks ago. Bride and groom wanted to keep things low-key and stress-free. We were expecting about 30 guests for a 4:00 ceremony on a gorgeous Saturday afternoon.
Baer-Williams House Inn – backyard gazebo. Photo by P. Rickrode, May 6, 2017
Things were running along smoothly, breakfast was a success (for twelve people), kitchen got cleaned, rooms got refreshed, then — BAM! Holy heck, what in the world happened!?!
I left to pick up some last minute items at the store, when I came home the house was in an uproar; children running around like Banshees, people – everywhere – doing God knows what, a dozen or so guys playing pool in my billiard room. How did things get so chaotic in about 45 minutes? And where did all of these people come from? And, what, pray tell, are they doing here 2 hours early!?!
The ceremony was to take place in the back, back yard (that’s the back yard behind the yard in the back – got it?), so that’s where the gals decorated the gazebo, chairs were lined up in neat rows, tables were set up in the back, guest book was stationed, tubs with ice were ready, and . . . well, you get the picture. Garden wedding. Wedding in the garden. Outside. Back yard. Garden.
Baer-Williams House Inn backyard gazebo. Photo by P. Rickrode, May 6, 2017
Why the heck are all these strangers roaming around IN my house? The ceremony and associated activities are supposed to happen OUTSIDE!
Based on this experience I decided to create a handy-dandy list of don’ts for people attending weddings, but not involved in any way with the actual ceremony.
- Do NOT arrive 2 hours early. Especially if it’s a late afternoon outdoor, backyard, garden wedding. Because, guess what, there won’t be anyplace to sit except outside, in the backyard garden. NOT in my house. NOT on my porch, NOT in the parking lot. And, yes, it might be a tad bit warm out, that’s why I’m suggesting you not come so gull-durned early. Stay home where it’s cool.
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Do NOT ask to see the bride BEFORE the big revel when she’s ready to walk down the aisle. Don’t do it. No matter how close you think your friendship is, don’t do it. The bride has enough things on her mind without seeing you. And she’s being painted, pouffed, powedered, primped, and prettied before the ceremony. The bride happens to be in the house, the wedding is – OUTSIDE! Stay out of the house. Wait to see her when everyone else does. Squeal with her in the receiving line AFTER the ceremony. Pass on pearls of wisdom AFTER the ceremony. My guest rooms can only accommodate so many people. One bride, three attendants, one flower girl, one make-up artist, one nail technician, and two hairdressers are enough warm bodies to stuff into one room. Please – stay OUTSIDE!
Baer-Williams House Inn. Photo by P. Rickrode, May 6, 2017
- Do NOT ask for something that is not being offered. If you don’t like what’s being served, complain to the bride and groom NOT the caterer. The caterer prepared what the bride and groom ordered and paid for. If you’re feeling overly warm, grab some ice from the tubs OUTSIDE, don’t come into the house and rob the complimentary bottled water provided for inn guests.
- Do NOT pull your vehicle into the yard, roll the windows down and blast the radio because you think it’s too quiet. Arrangements have already been made, and paid for, by the bride and groom, for music and entertainment. If you wish to listen to something else – say rap – get IN your car, across the street and listen quietly.
- If you have a child who can barely walk without assistance, do NOT give said child a glass of pink punch to carry. Pink punch stains. Wedding guests are generally wearing their finery, oft times dry-clean-only finery. Carry the punch for the wee one.
- If you are a bridesmaid, who happens to be the mother of a toddler, get someone else to watch said toddler while you attend to your bridesmaid duties. Seriously, do yourself a favor here. Otherwise you’ll be chasing said toddler up and down the stairs in your long flowing gown and Everest-high shoes. Not good people. Not good. And why is said child in the house anyway? Did I mention, the wedding is – OUTSIDE!?!
So, there you go. There are more, but these are the biggies. Normal wedding guests arrive about 15 to 20 minutes before the ceremony is to begin, find a place to quietly sit and enjoy whatever free entertainment and refreshments might be offered during or after the big event. Normal wedding guests do not expect to order off a menu, or to have a pre-wedding tailgate party, or to play pool for 2 hours before the vows are exchanged. This event, this garden wedding, is about the union of two people in love, not YOUR opportunity to party on someone else’s dime. It’s called respect.
So there’s my tips folks. Do you have any other words of advice to add to the list? Inquiring innkeepers want to know.
Word of the Day: Massif
Fun fact about me: At one point in my life I thought it might be fun to be a wedding coordinator/planner. (Now? Not so much.)
Original post by Jansen Schmidt, May 2017. Photos courtesy Google Images and Patricia Rickrode.
jansenschmidt 
What a list, that seems like it would Benin Emily Post’s book, but who reads here anyway? Oh my! Sounds like quite a kerfuffle. What seems common, is rarely common. People as a whole don’t get it and it seems to be getting worse as I get older. Maybe it’s me… but I don’t think so. Have a great day and recover from your weekend. Peace.
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You know, Clay – it’s the wedding guests who need to be trained. They see weddings as a chance to party on someone else’s dime so they do all sorts of things that they normally wouldn’t do. I’ve seen it happen at a lot of weddings.
Oh well, I guess that’s just to be expected when we host these events. Gah.
Thanks for stopping by. Have a great week.
Patricia
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Mmm…
“The Public” do not always think about such things. Common sense is not so common, lol. Seriously, when having an event, the person BOOKING it should get info out in a manner that covers what time, what to expect, etc. In this case, the bride and groom. I understand they are nervous, busy that day, etc., but someone should be designated by them to handle all this kind of stuff rather than the venue having to do it. Wedding Planners are the “bad cops” if you can afford them. A venue like Baer House does not include that service–being the actual WEDDING PLANNER thus the “bad cop”, one who handles all that comes up that day, etc. I’d charge more if you decide to add it to the list! Seriously, I’d ask in the future that all people who book a wedding, anniversary party, anything that will tie them up personally, designate WHO will handle the things you were dealing with. Make sure you know who this person is and that they are aware of “the rules”. Best to have them typed out and given out when you book the event–agreed to then. Seems like a lot of trouble on your part, I know–to cover what should be common sense. Common sense just isn’t so common. I’m sure the wedding was beautiful though! 🙂
Also, I’ve failed to send you the daily encouragement I had planned to do. I’m very sorry about that. Sent or not, you are in my thoughts daily! You personally, and Baer House. I will try to do better though!
HUGS
M
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Wedding guests use wedding invitations as an excuse to do unusual behavior and they’re expecting the entire affair to be one big party. Not in my house people!
Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate the love.
Patricia
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I’d be grabbing my shotgun in one hand a stun gun in the other, and yelling “EVERYBODY GET OUT AND STAY OUT!” I’d be a terrible innkeeper, I think. But people can be so rude and thoughtless. I often wonder if manners are even taught anymore, and some people push the lines as far as they can to make things easier on themselves at the cost of others. I’m in awe of your patience. On the bright side, the wedding looked beautiful…outside. 🙂
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I’m telling you, I was ready to scream that’s for sure. I think the guys were having a bachelor party in the billiard room. So – not – cool. The groom and the bride’s son, who was in the wedding party, should have been the only 2 guys in the house. Even the groomsmen should have stayed outside. They came already dressed for the event so they didn’t need a changing room or anything. It was all so very rude. And, of course my husband wasn’t home so I had to deal with it all myself. He’s a big burly guy and nobody questions him or gives him a hard time. Me? I short and petite and nobody respects me at all. Gggrrrr.
Anyway, it’s all over now and we survived. It was just rude. I felt like everyone was invading my privacy. It is, after all, my home. I think everything thinks of it as a wedding venue so they act accordingly.
So, that’s that. That weekend was clumsy and irritating. Things have smoothed out since.
Patricia
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Wow… did those early-arrival guests do all of those things?? Holy cow. Hats off to you for handling it with grace and aplomb, as I’m sure you did.
My new property is in a massif. 🙂
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After the first hour I wasn’t so gracious any more. I smiled through gritted teeth and started slamming doors that people left open. I eventually locked the front door, but people just went around back and came in that way. What is wrong with people?
Oh well, that’s the nature of this beast. If there were more than one of me I’d have stationed one of me at the back door and turned people away. But, then they just would have gone in the back door upstairs. Why they even decided to go up the stairs is beyond me, but upstairs they went. And in the back door, and down the hallway, and into the guest rooms.
I guess people thought the bride and groom had rented the whole house or something. I started educating them, but by then, nobody cared.
No respect I tell you. I take my revenge in blog posts.
Thanks for stopping by. I’m not sure your new home in the massif will be gorgeous.
Patricia
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Meshea Crysup had some VERY good suggestions for you. Those things should NOT have been your responsibility. Sorry you had to go through all that.
By the way, I thought the 2nd photo, looking toward the gazebo through the archway, was lovely. You can be proud of your place. All it lacks is a massif for extra scenery.
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It was a tedious day. At least everything wrapped up pretty early and quiet descended on the house at a reasonable hour. I just wish more people respected me and my privacy. These people had no idea that this is my house they were traipsing around in. They treated it like a rented venue.
Anyway, it’s all done now.
Thanks for your kind words about the photo. Our back, back yard is lovely at times, especially when all “dressed up.” Vicksburg is one huge massif. You just can’t tell from my back yard.
Have a great week, Dave.
Patricia
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