There’s a line from a song from the movie Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang, that I love: “Up from the ashes, grow the roses of success.” That line can be applied to a lot of things. For me, right now, it applies to my rise from “sickness” to improved health. Not that I was unhealthy before, because I really wasn’t, I was just infected with a nastiness known as cancer.
But, the cancer was purged from my body, treatments are over, and now it is time to climb back up to full recovery. This is what full recovery means to me: No more constant state of extreme fatigue. The kind of fatigue that is indescribable. The kind of fatigue that I have never experienced before. The kind of fatigue that makes you feel like your bones are made of cast iron, your head weighs 17 tons, your eye lids are covered in super glue and your eyes are filled with sand. The kind of exhaustion that totally consumes your body after 5 minutes of minimal light effort. I’m so done with that.
I’m done with the always present mild case of nausea, that makes eating a chore and tasting unpleasant. I’m tired of trying to figure out what I want to eat because nothing sounds good and I know it’s all going to taste bad afterward. I’m tired of forcing myself to eat something, anything because I know I need nourishment. I’m tired of feeling hungry but afraid I’m going to barf.
I’m done with the ever-present horrible taste in my mouth. Not a medicine taste. Not a metallic taste, as a lot of people describe it, but the taste of vomit, which is what I have been tasting for about six weeks now. Food still tastes good when I eat it, but no more than five minutes later, awful, acid, sour vomit taste. I’m so ready to be done with that.
I’m tired of trying to function in a constant state of fog. My brain is not functioning properly. I know it. It’s scary. It’s embarrassing. I have to read directions 3 and 4 times because I don’t understand them the first time. I have to repeat things back to people because I’m not sure I comprehended correctly when they spoke. I have to re-read paragraphs, sometimes pages of a book or article because I can’t remember what I just read. I can’t complete simple problems on my own. I feel like an idiot. I’m ready for that to go away. I’m ready to feel like a competent, clear-headed adult again.
I’m tired of the aches and pains that don’t go away with ordinary painkillers. Deep-seated pain that goes all the way to your bones and hovers there. I’m tired of having weird sleep patterns (although I had that normally anyway, so that hasn’t really changed). I’m tired of taking medicine. I’m tired of being poked with needles. I’m tired of having my blood pressure taken. I’m just tired of all of it. Life with cancer – SUCKS!!
But, it’s OVER! Today is Monday and I’m not at the Vicksburg Cancer Center. I’m not having my blood drawn. I’m not having my temperature taken. I’m not hooked up to an IV. I’m on the big road to full recovery. I’m on my way to feeling normal again. I have no idea how long that’s going to take, but I’m willing to wait for it. Because I know, that up from the ashes, grow the roses of success!
How about your readers – do you patiently wait for something better? Are you tired of something disruptive in your life? Are you looking forward to the roses that will spring from the ashes?
Come on, tell me your success stories. I don’t want this post to be a downer. I want it to speak of happier times ahead and shine with the success of persevering during a rough patch. I want to show you my Wonder Woman dance.
Word of the day: Gustation
Fun fact about me: I’m normally a pretty positive person. That has helped tremendously during this treatment period.
Original post by Jansen Schmidt, April 2018. Photos courtesy Google Images.
Yay, so glad it’s over and you’re on the upward swing!
Years ago, I realized that the weeks prior to being bitten by the flu bug were filled with an ever increasing exhaustion, so that when I’d finally actually get sick, it was almost a relief. Because, you see, somewhere along the line I had learned that the best part about being sick was the incredible flow of energy that came once the bug left my system.
Here’s to healing and your return to an energy filled life!
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Sheila it is so hard to succomb to the body’s weaknesses, but at times we must. That has been a particularly difficult part of this journey, giving myself permission to rest and to NOT do anything. Not that I’ve had any energy to do much anyway, but I tried really hard not to feel guilty about sitting or laying around.
I am now looking for that “incredible flow of energy” once my body rids itself of all of the poison that’s been pumped into it. I know it won’t happen overnight, but each day brings me one step closer to full speed ahead.
Thanks for stopping by and visiting. I love hearing from my readers and friends especially when their words are comforting and encouraging.
Patricia
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HOORAY! I’m so glad your treatment is done and life can get back to normal! I have another friend who is dealing with cancer, too, and will have to deal with the symptoms for the rest of her life, so definitely celebrate that’s not your story. Here’s to food tasting good again and the return of Patricia’s sharp mind and endless energy to keep up with those needy B&B guests! ❤
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Coleen, I thank the good lord every single day that my diagnosis was so mild. I know it could have been so much worse and I know there’s folks out there that will never recover. I sat with some of them for hours at the cancer center every Monday. It was trying to say the least. Trying to stay upbeat and positive is taxing on a person emotionally and mentally.
But, that’s behind me now and I’m definitely looking forward to the return of my mental faculties. I’ve missed those the most. Some days I truly feel like I’m doing more harm than good by being out of bed. Sheesh.
I’m also looking forward to being able to concentrate again so I can get back to the business of getting my first book published. It’s so close to being ready and this nonsense has set me back in my publishing journey. But, it will happen and I’m not going to rush the process. I know that everything will settle down and return to normal at the right time. For now, I’m taking each new day as a new beginning.
Thanks so much for your encouraging words. It means a lot to know there are folks pulling for me in this process.
Patricia
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Whoo-hoo! Here’s to being C-free! Hope you’re feeling better soon, now that the treatments are done. Me, I’m ready to be done with Adrenal Fatigue. I finally found a diet that’s working for me that’s supposed to help it. I’m hoping the diet combined with the days getting longer kicks it for good. And ready to be done with the flip house work – we got a lot done on that this week, so seeing the light there.
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Jennette, I thought of you as I was writing this post. I can so relate to the horribleness of always feeling tired. It sucks. I hope the new diet and longer days work wonders for you. You’ve got the added stress of fixing up a house, moving, a regular job and a family on top of all of that. You hang tough.
Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate your positive attitude. And, here’s hoping the light grows brighter and brighter as you near the end of that tunnel.
Patricia
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Never having had a condition such as yours, I realize I don’t really know how it feels. My diabetes and high blood pressure are both easily controlled and stable, and my atrial fibrillation has been easily corrected so far by electric shock (cardioversion), and even when I’m in A-fib there is little danger of anything serious as long as I keep my blood thin enough to prevent clotting. I can’t imagine having a condition that lingers day after day and month after month while you go through horrible treatments.
So glad you’re finally finished with your treatments, and I will continue to pray for no recurrence. I also hope your gustation ability and enjoyment are not affected by all of this.
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Thanks David. I know there are lots of people out there in the world dealing with horrible things every single day of their lives and I am so thankful I don’t have to do that. Cancer is not fun, but at least – for me anyway – there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. And I was never in any danger of walking away without a good prognosis for the future. For that I am most grateful. I’m glad there are treatments for your ailments and that they work of you. Not everyone has those options either.
Thanks for your support through all of this. It’s so nice knowing people care. I appreciate all continued prayers.
Patricia
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