All through my years of schooling, I maintained consistently high grades; honor roll every year. Except for algebra my junior year of high school. That ruined my GPA for one entire year. (Stupid math.) I did redeem myself in college though. While still struggling with numbers, I managed to get a B- in algebra my last year. I had to pass that class or I wouldn’t graduate. But I did. Again, with honors. Whew. But, I digress. At present, there are many days I do some incredibly stupid, not A+ or even B- things, and certainly not honor roll things. It’s like my brain forgets to do its job. I used to be “with it.” I used to not need notes to remember things. I used to use common sense and logic to figure things out. Nowadays, not so much. Some days I don’t even recognize myself because I do some really dumb stuff.
I’ll give you an example: A while back I was doing some purging from my kitchen pantry. There are things in there that have been here since we bought the place. Things that I kept because I didn’t know much about innkeeping and, at the time, thought perhaps those were things that might come in handy as I learned how to efficiently run an inn. I’m not talking food. I’m talking about small appliances, gadgets, dishes, what-nots. Well, after five years of moving those things from shelf to shelf and never using them, I decided I could probably get rid of them.
Now, getting “rid” of things for me means one of three options: 1) the consignment store, where I take things that are still in working order that someone else may pay money to have and I get fifty percent of the profit; 2) the Mission, or second-hand store, where all proceeds go to help the hungry and homeless here in Vicksburg; or 3) the garbage.
So, I separated items to keep or get rid of. Yes, I made the decision to keep a few items a bit longer. If I decided an item might still be useful at some point in the future, I put it into a box on the top shelf. Every time I decided to keep an item, I’d climb up on the step stool and place it into the box. I kept about a dozen things. When I was almost done, it dawned on me that I could have taken the box down first, put everything I wanted to keep in there from ground level and then made just one trip up the step stool to put the entire box back on the shelf instead of making twelve trips up and down. You see? Not using the old noggin at all. But hey, I got my exercise for the day.
Another instance of pure genius happened one morning when I was cooking bacon for breakfast. I was using tongs and when I flipped one piece of bacon the very end of another piece got caught in the tongs and went along for the ride. Problem was, that hitchhiker piece of bacon was not balanced the same as the intended piece so when I made the flip it flung sizzling bacon grease, and a little piece of bacon that broke off on to my arm. My instincts screamed “get it off,” but my reactionary brain was apparently on a union-mandated break at the time. So, instead of releasing both pieces of bacon from the tongs back into the pan, I clung on to them for dear life and used my other hand to grab the searing piece of pork fat off my arm. But, instead of throwing it into the garbage, or the sink, or, heck even on to the floor, my instincts said “put it in your mouth.” My mouth? Seriously? That’s what my reaction was? Scalding hot bacon into my mouth? But, then again, I guess my instincts are smarter than my real person because in hindsight . . . well . . . it was bacon.
And, finally, this jewel right here. At least I wasn’t alone in my stupidity on this one. This moment of sheer and utter “duh” is shared with my dear friend Michele from the UK. Michele was visiting one summer – 4th of July to be exact. We were having a living history event at the inn and Michele was giving a demonstration and talk about women’s roles during the American Civil War. The day before, Michele wanted to make hardtack for the demonstration. She had made it before, but only in her kitchen in the UK. Measurements and oven temperatures are a bit different between the UK and here, so we had to guess at some things. We didn’t know exactly how hot to make the oven when we baked these authentic “treats,” because Michele said her oven temperature is measured in Celsius not Fahrenheit. After some discussion about how hot the oven should be, we proceeded to just keep baking the dough until it came out right.
Now, here’s where the idiocy comes in – on the part of both of us I should add – after we spent much time discussing and debating UK vs US equivalents and finishing our project by trial and error, I realized that at any point, either of us could have simply used a computer to look up the proper equivalents. Neither of us thought to do that. At least I was not alone in my failure to use any portion of my brain that day. Michele – if you’re reading this – I love you to pieces and I’m glad you were my brainless accomplice that day. Next time we’ll know to consult Google before we begin.
So, there you have it. Escapades of a former almost straight-A, honor roll student turned brainless innkeeper. Tell me, what stupid things have you guys done that made you question your sanity? We’re all friends here so feel free to share without fear of judgment. We’re all human and therefore prone to moments of utter ignorance. I hope you’ll delight me with a funny story.
Word of the Day: Vedutista
Fun fact about me: The more stuff I learn, the dumber I feel.
Original post by Jansen Schmidt, January 2021. Images by Google and giphy.com.
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Um, 4.0 student here. Um, I forgot what my point was. LOL! 🙂 You’re posts are always so entertaining!
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Oh Suzanne – I know I’m not alone and part of it is an age thing, but Geez, some days I really have to wonder. I’m glad my posts are entertaining for you. I try to keep it light whenever possible. And, making fun of myself could go on for weeks and weeks there’s so much material.
Thanks for visiting. Have a lovely day.
Patricia
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The older the get, the more I forget…maybe that’s why I can’t recall any of the uncountable stupid things I’ve done over the years. But I bet my husband and daughter could share some of the more entertaining ones. 🙂 I’ll share one that my friend told me recently, though – you know, to share the love. He wanted a cat door in his house, so he bought a kit. In big, bold letters, the instructions warned to mark the top and bottom of the door so as to not make the mistake of installing the cat door on the wrong end. He snorted and said, who would be so stupid as to do that? So he got to work, installed the cat door and put the door back on the hinges and…yes. He put the cat door on the wrong end and is thinking about creating a stairwell for his cats so it looks like he meant to do it that way. His teenagers haven’t let him forget it.
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Oh man – even after the “I told you to . . .” That totally sounds like something I’d do – although I’d never attempt to install a cat door. Mainly because I already have a dog door. (See – not so stupid after all huh?)
Thanks for sharing. It’s always good when people can have a good laugh at themselves. Humanizes us all.
Have a wonderful week.
Patricia
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Ha ha! That has made me laugh , not only could we have googled it but it has taken two years to realise it, well you to realised it lol. I am still away with the fairies . 🤣😂I do many crazy things, especially lately. The list gets longer by the day. I think sometimes we do daft things because we have our minds on other things , preoccupied with serious stuff. Well that is what I keep telling myself. Don’t worry about doing daft stuff my dear friend, it’s the kind of people we are that is most important. It was a ba honour and privilege to have been part of your blog . One of the stupidest things I have said lately , I was looking at my evening primroses in the garden , early one evening in the autumn and I said to Bob ” I wonder why they look so lovely this time of day yet during the day they are boring.” He just looked at me and said “maybe it’s because they are EVENING primroses.” . Duh….and I study plants . 🤣😂🤣😂
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Oh man – that sounds like something I’d say? I wish I could give you a big ole hug right now.
Hang in there my friend. Next time we need to make hard tack we’re getting the computer out as our first ingredient. What’s that they say about “fool me once . . . ?”
Thanks for joining the conversation and letting me make fun at your expense. I knew you’d laugh with me.
Patricia
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Some of these are pretty funny. However, since I never made any honor rolls (2.5 and survive was my motto) I am wholly unqualified to post here. I’m pretty much expected to always screw things up.
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2.5 and survive is my motto now. When I drop below that, I’m calling in a professional. Or just haul my sorry ass off to the looney bin. Some days I think that might be an option.
But, onward and upward as always. Each morning is a brand new day. Another chance to avoid major screw-ups. I just caffeinate and hope for the best.
Thanks for brightening my day. Enjoy the rest of your week.
Patricia
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I struggled in school and didn’t make honor roll until my FINAL quarter in high school. Some things take time. Now as a sixth grade teacher I work hard to teach kids to be curious and full of wonder. To be engaged and kind and passionate and flexible. Some kids love it and others are so hard wired by parents who learned in ‘old school’ keep focusing on the grade…. I haven’t been asked what my grades were in school in a very long time. It’s what you do with what you got that really matters. It’s gonna be a great day – I know it and I can feel it so I’d better jump in jump out, and seize the day. Peace.
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You are absolutely right about using what you’ve got. Not everyone is cut out to be college educated. There’s a certain stigma associated with kids who don’t go to college and that needs to change. That does not make kids stupid, it just makes them destined for other things. Education is all around us every single day. My dad didn’t get past 7th grade, but there’s not much he can’t fix if you give it to him and let him tinker on it. In my mind, that makes him really smart. Some people can dig in the soil and grow amazing things. That makes them extremely educated in the ways of the mother nature. It’s all about balance.
I’m glad that you encourage your students to see the world live in the wonderful bounty around them. Grades are important, but so is the education that life teaches.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Patricia
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