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Archive for the ‘beauty products’ Category

stilettosI don’t know about you, but I love shoes. Always have. I’m somewhat of a collector, or at least I used to be. Since high school I’ve had office jobs and since high school I’ve worn high heels. Used to be, the higher the better. Shoes make a statement and I was bold. (more…)

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We’ve all seen commercials and magazine ads with beautiful famous people using their charms, good looks and famousness, to help sell products. I ask you dear readers, does this strategy really work?

neutragena-ad

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Photo courtesy Google Images.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Since when has using a toilet become so complicated that we need self-flushing devices? As toddlers, we learn the basics of toilet operation. Have we evolved to the point of complete helplessness? What’s up with the self-flushing toilets? Are these really necessary? I get it, that some people are lame and don’t flush after they do their business, but does that justify needing self-flushing toilets for everyone? I mean, how hard is it to flush a toilet?

I’ve found that most of these “modern” models don’t even flush when they’re supposed to. Or worse yet, some flush repeatedly; over and over and over. How much water is wasted from these continually flushing engineering wonders? Have you ever been quietly sitting on one of these self-flushing jobbies and have it flush before you’re done? It’s downright frightening. Not only do you get a wake up call, but your bottom gets a wash job. You also have a terrifying moment wondering if you’re going to get sucked into a deep dark vortex of sewage. Heaven help you if you were wiping at that very moment. Sit carefully my friends and once in position – do not move.

Image courtesy Google Images.

Image courtesy Google Images.

Now from the horrors of the stall, we move to the downright silliness of the automated sinks and soap dispensers. Okay, I’ll admit, the automated sinks are a nice feature, especially at the airport where you’re toting around a handbag or backpack and 50 pounds of luggage, it’s nice to just stick you hands under the faucet. But, first you must find the exact spot of the sensor to engage the water. Sometimes this is like sticking a square peg into a triangle hole with all the finageling and finger waving you must do. Some sinks are like a math problem, finding the right angle of entry and quadrant for positioning from the faucet so you don’t get your midriff sprayed at the same time. Again, I wonder at the need for these faucets? Who can’t figure out how to operate a basic bathroom sink?

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Once you’ve found the correct entry point for the water, you must do the same with the soap dispenser and then hold very still while you lather up and rinse because, if you move your forearm or wrist just enough, you’ll get another squirt of soap on your sleeve and then have to re-calculate faucet entry again. Please dear readers, be very careful at the sink station. Apparently we’ve raising a society of really stupid people who can’t seem to figure out how to dispense soap.

And finally, we arrive at the paper towel area which is ususally surrounded by a huge pool of water from dripping hands and sleeves and midriffs while people frantically wave their arms in front of the machine to get the paper to come out. Now, if you’re lucky at the paper towal dispenser, you’ll get more than a 3 inch strip of toweling with which to dry your hands and soaking sleeves, still sudsy from the over-achieving soap dispenser. If you’re not so lucky, you’ll need to wait a few seconds and wave your arms again for a second equally small slice of paper. Do this enough times and you’re hands will have drip dried onto the floor and there won’t be any need for additional stips of towel. Perhaps that’s the ultimate goal of these stingy dispensers; simply let the hands air dry.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

And so I ask, are these devices making our lives easier? Do you prefer automated bathrooms or good old-fashioned hands on restrooms? I’d love to hear your automated bathroom story. Don’t be bashful, let’s get this out in the open and discuss it.

Word of the Day: Hegira

Fun Fact about me: Like Laverne (Laverne & Shirley), I like milk and Pepsi.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, October 2015. Photos courtesy Google Images.

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I’m a writer. Writer’s tend to be overly creative people. We have overactive imaginations. We think differently than others. We see the world from a different perspective. We hate math.

math problem

Did you just shutter at the graphic? Did your eyes glaze over? Did you automatically say “24” after the first line because the multiplication tables were drilled into your head in the 5th grade? Well, you might be a creative person.

It’s no surprise. A lot of folks are creative. For instance, musicians, actors, artists, all rely heavily on the right sides of their brain. It’s the left-brainers you have to worry about. But sometimes I have to wonder, should we limit the extent of our creativity? I know that goes against the whole premise of this blog (“Where imagination abounds, nothing is impossible”), but hear me out. Consider these wacky inventions, then I’ll ask the question again:

What is the purpose of this? So a blind person knows where to hold the glass?

weird invention 9

 Pizza cutters not trendy any longer; we now need scissors? And who even eats a slice of pizza this small?

weird invention 8

 Here’s the answer to sweaty palms. (Jenny Hansen at More Cowbell has probably known about these for years.)

weird invention 6

 Wanna see who’s following you, but don’t want to turn around?

weird invention 5

 All the tables at your favorite restaurant full? No worries, just sit yourself down and order up. (I’d avoid the soup.)

weird invention 4

 I call this one – the Nap Lap.

weird invention 3

 Tired of messing up your whole face with that damned lipstick? Here’s the answer you’ve been looking for.

weird invention 1

And my personal favorite:

Are you a busy mom but worry about setting your baby down on the dirty ground in order to get those dreaded chores done? Well, here’s the product for you.

weird invention 7

I’ve got to admit, that last one is genius. (Does that make me a bad person?) But seriously, how can anybody holding a baby properly wash their hands after using the restroom? I’m sure this invention was created by a man; I’m just sure of it.

And so folks, after seeing just a minuscule display of the wacky stuff that people “create,” do you want to change your answer? Should creativity have limits? Or do you agree with me, that maybe we should just put a boundary restriction on inventors. Yeah, that’s it.

What’s the craziest invention you’ve come across? Have you ever purchased something “clever” to make your life easier? Do you want any of the above items for yourself? Hey, I won’t judge.

Word of the Day: Guipure

Fun fact about me:  I love starfruit.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, April 2015. Photos courtesy Google Images.

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Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

Today folks, I’m taking you on a little journey through my e-mail Spam inbox. I’ve taken the partial headings below, in the exact order they appeared in my spam folder, and created some sentences that might make for a very interesting novel. Let me know what you think.

1. No games – several local businesses are looking for – wild cougars looking for horny men – let the madness begin!

2.  If you are not interested in – rapid wrinkle reduction and prevention – why get married?

3.  There’s a secret the legal recruiting industry is keeping – we’re bringing the heat about quick painless toenail fungus.

4.  I want to show you something on my webcam – when divorce isn’t an option – take control of your alcohol problem with – free coupons for oil change.

5.  Now’s the time to become a nurse – we need men that – will kill us if we don’t help – two Russian hotties looking for you.

6.  Pretty women are sharing topless pictures of – a bizarre but safe way to eliminate.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

I don’t know about you, but that last one sure sounds like a photo I’d be better off not seeing. But, I did find this photo that could certainly constitute a “bizarre way to eliminate,” however, I’m not sure how “safe” it would be.

7.  Here’s an easy reason not to get married – we have the cash you need – up to $10,000 – all real, all beautiful, all yours.

8.  Looking for love? – Don’t ignore this – these women will do anything for – lowest prices on digital TV and more.

9.  Unleash your naughty side – no exam required – lucky you!

No exam required to unleash my naughty side? Well sign me up. All these years I’ve been thinking there was going to be a test so I’ve been avoiding anything naughty. Well, not any more my friends. Naughty side – here I come!

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

What interesting stuff have you encountered in your spam box? I’d love to see some creative sentences from your own private spam folders.

Word of the day:  Eisteddfod

Fun fact about me:  I empty my spam folder every day.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, March 2015. Photos courtesy Google Images.

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Today I wanted to share a hilarious video that I’ve stolen from my dear friend Jenny Hansen’s blog. http://wp.me/1sxbT If you don’t follow Jenny, I recommend you at least check it out. She’s a hoot.

I laughed so hard, I almost peed my, not so christian underpants when I saw this video.

I hope you enjoy this little bit of silliness this Monday morning.

So readers, do you wear “good Christian panties with a godly cotton panel?” Come on, spill it. We’re not judgmental here at The Edge of Eternity.

Word of the Day: wherry

Fun Fact About Me: I do not wear thong underpants. (Women of a certain age and body type should refrain from wearing underwear with strings.)

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, January 2015. Video courtesy YouTube.

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So, the all-the-rage Christmas gift this past year was apparently the Fitbit or it’s cousin the Jawbone. If you’re unfamiliar with these little devices, they are designed to help you keep track of your healthy habits. Or so they tout. Personally, I don’t get it, but I’ve noticed a lot more people in my zumba class with these little babies strapped to their wrists.

Photo courtesy Google images.

Photo courtesy Google images.

Now, if you are a lover of these technological devices, and they are “working” for you, please don’t be offended by this post. I love that you’re working on getting or staying healthy. For me, they seem like a gimmick.

First of all, the only people I see wearing these things look like this:

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

If you look like this, you are already are a fit bit of feminie loveliness. You are already doing all of the right things and you don’t need a fancy schmancy device to let you know it. Just carry on you well-toned beautiful women. I love and hate you all.

The number one problem I see right off the bat with a device like this is – you have to remember to put the thing on. That’s going to mess up quite a few people.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

Assuming you remember to strap it on, it’s my understanding that these thingeys tell you the amount of steps you’ve taken. I’m not sure why that’s important. I mean, let’s face it, if I’ve had my ass in a chair all day writing, or in the sofa watching TV or reading, I can pretty much guarantee you that I haven’t taken more than about 16 steps, and those were undoubtedly to the refrigerator for a snack. I really don’t need a device to keep track of that or to remind me of my lethargy. Likewise, if I’ve been working out or jogging I can say, with some certainty based on how much my muscles are screaming and the amount of sweat pouring off my weary body, that I have experienced a good work-out. I don’t really care how many steps I’ve taken; I feel good that I’ve worked out.

The next problem is that these devices don’t hold you accountable. I mean if you set a goal to take 5,000 steps every day, nothing happens if you fall short. If I wear the thing all day and then check my stats when I get home and I’ve only taken 1,100 steps and my goal was 5,000, am I going to go run 16 miles to make up the deficit? Hell no! I’m just going to say, “screw it, I’ll walk more tomorrow,” and go to bed.

Photo courtesy Google images

Photo courtesy Google images

Now, what would be really helpful is if those little wristbands thingeys had pre-recorded messages. What would be exceptionally motivating is for a really annoying voice, like Gilbert Godfry or someone equally nasally and whiny, to say something like, “get moving lard ass,” every time I sat in one place for more than about 10 minutes. Or, “you’re slowing down fatso,” when I switch the treadmill from jog to walk. That would be motivating. However, I do see a potential problem with this, especially if you’re working out at a gym or other public place. You would not want that thing going off and have somebody other than yourself thinking it was directed at them. No sirree, I would not want some Rambo over in free weights to come over and konk me on the head with a 200 pound barbell because my Fitbit offended him.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Although . . . if he looked like that guy . . . maybe a visit wouldn’t be so bad. Hmmmm.

But I digress. Maybe instead of a pre-recorded message, a squirt of pepper spray to the face every hour could be used. I mean nothing would get me moving faster than pepper spray in my face. Think of the amount of steps you’d take with that crap on your skin. You couldn’t run to the shower fast enough and you’d be dancing a jig the whole time you were in there. Or, every so often a shock treatment like a taser blast could go off to remind you to get up and drink some water. That would get me hopping out of my chair for sure.

That’s right, these puppies supposedly will keep track of how much water I’ve drank during the day. Hmmm. Is that necessary? If I fill my glass 4 times then I can pretty much rely on the fact that I’ve had 4 glasses of water that day. And, taking this one step farther, if I know that my glass is 20 ounces, and I fill it 4 times, then I’ve had – say it with me – 80 ounces of water that day. No device required. And how does that thing distinguish between water and gatorade, or soda, or . . . oh I don’t know . . . wine? ‘Cuz, if it measured wine in-take I’d pretty much meet my quota every single day.

And, supposedly, they keep track of your sleeping habits (again – if you remember to wear them). At the risk of sounding redundant, what is the point of this? If I wake up at 3:00 in the morning and lay there awake for 2 hours, my clock will give me the same information as that little plastic strap on my wrist. I don’t need a device to let me know that I was awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night. Contrarily, if I wake up refreshed, having slept straight through the night, I don’t need to check my wrist to see how I’ve slept. This “feature,” makes no sense to me.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

I’m thinking a much better electronic device to invest in to ensure good health is one that requires you to solve a trigonometry problem before you can open the cookie jar.  Or do 20 jumping jacks before the refrigerator door will open. I’m thinking that would successfully solve this problem:

Photo courtesy Google images.

Photo courtesy Google images.

How about your dear readers, do you have a Fitbit, Jawbone or similar device? Do you like it? What gadgets would be helpful in your life to keep you fit and healthy?

Fun fact about me: I am not really into fancy techy gadgets.

Word of the Day: Vugh (alternate spelling)

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, January 2015. Photos courtesy Google Images.

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If you’re hot and you know it raise your hand.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Oh, me. (hand raised high) Me, me, me, me, me. I’m hot and I know it. (This is me — in my mind — a really hot chick.)

But not all the time. Most of the time I’m the same temperature as everyone else. But sometimes, I’m raging hot. Wildfire hot. Exploding gas hot. Oh, I’m not on fire, I’m just having a hot flash.

Sometimes those hot flashes happen at night, while I’m in bed, all cozy in my fuzzy jammies. Those night time hot flashes are the worst. Wake up all wringing wet. Have to strip naked and take a cold shower. What kind of madness is this?

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

(This is me — in reality — a really hot chick.)

Yeah, I know. I’m as surprised as you are. What the hell happened? What happened to the woman in the yellow dress?

Well, we all age and there’s not a damn thing any of us can do to stop it so we might as well share a laugh about it — right? So, here’s a mash-up video from Chonda Pierce about women of a certain age. I hope you enjoy it. Feel free to laugh out loud.

How are you aging? Gracefully? Or kicking and screaming? What do you do when “those” moments hit? I’d love to learn any tips and tricks for staying comfortable and sane through this “phase.”

Fun fact about me: I older I get, the more adventurous I get.

Word of the Day: Theurgy

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, November 2014. Photos courtesy Google Images. Video courtesy YouTube.

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bird nest

Nesting rituals. We all have them. Some of us take longer than others to complete them, but complete them we will before settling in for the night.

What the H E double hockey sticks am I talking about!?!

western lamp

I’m talking about those little routine things we do every single night, without fail, rain or shine, in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer, before tucking our tired little bodies into our cozy little beds each night. They include things like circling the house and double-checking that every door is locked, all lamps are extinguished, anything edible (including the trash) has been safely cordoned off so the dog cannot get to it, and so on and so forth. We prepare our nest.lotion bottles

The ritual also includes a rigorous regime of removing make-up, washing our faces, applying anti-acne, anti-reddening, anti-wrinkling, anti-sagging, anti-pigment-inducing and anti-aging solutions. This is followed by applying a series of creams, lotions and serums to plump, moisturize, hydrate, lighten, tighten, brighten, exfoliate, tone, even, smooth, correct and protect our skin.

We then brush our hair vigourously, brush and floss our teeth, apply lip balm, hand cream, foot lotion, cuticle oil, and any other product deemed absolutely necessary to keep our bodies youthful and beautiful.

western bedAnd why do we do this night after night?

We do this just so we can go to bed knowing that we have taken every precaution against the harsh elements battling our youth and good health every day. Many of these processes are repeated upon waking, but using different ointments, potions and elixirs formulated specifically for day time use only.

Are we insane? Are we paranoid? Are we fortunate enough to have countless extra minutes at the end of every day just to indulge in these rituals? You tell me.

What does your nesting ritual include? Inquiring minds want to know.

Word of the day: Postliminy

Fun fact about me: I am Ambidextrous

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