The Baer House Guide of What Not To Do At A Wedding

The Baer-Williams House was the scene of a very lovely afternoon garden wedding a couple of weeks ago. Bride and groom wanted to keep things low-key and stress-free. We were expecting about 30 guests for a 4:00 ceremony on a gorgeous Saturday afternoon.

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Santa’s Report Card

So, the holidays are officially over and 2017 is underway. I’d like to say thank you to all my readers for continuing to follow me into the new year. I hope I continue to bring a smile to your Mondays.

Let’s reflect back a couple of weeks and see how this Christmas stacked up. Because there are so many aspects to consider, I’m going to narrow my focus to one thing – Santa Claus.

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Stuff and Nonsense (before the polls close)

So, tomorrow’s the big day; America’s getting a new Commander in Chief. I don’t know about you, but I for one am terrified to see the results. Either way, I’m going to be holding by breath for the next four years.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

But, enough about that. Let’s let that fracas happen tomorrow shall we? Today, let’s have some wacky fun. I’ve already told y’all how much I like trivia, so here are some more totally random oddball facts for you to do with what you see fit. Feel free to laugh, scratch your head, research, whatever.

Everyone has a unique tongue print, just like fingerprints.

Most Muppets are left-handed. (Because more Muppeteers are right-handed, so they operate the head with their favored hand.)

Female kangaroos have three vaginas.

During World War II, the crew of the British submarine HMS Trident kept a fully grown reindeer called Pollyanna aboard their vessel for six weeks. (It was a gift from the Russian government.)

The first man to urinate on the moon was Buzz Aldrin, shortly after stepping onto the lunar surface. (So he was holding it all that time and needed to relieve himself? Seriously? I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure peeing isn’t what I’d have been doing if I stepped onto the moon’s surface. I mean no gravity. Think about that. Where’d it all go? On to his space suit? But hey, whatever.)

In 1567, the man said to have the longest beard in the world died after he tripped over it while running away from a fire. (I can’t make this stuff up.)

In 1993, San Francisco held a referendum over whether a police officer called Bob Geary was allowed to patrol while carrying a ventriloquist’s dummy called Brendan O’Smarty. (He was by the way, in case you’re wondering.)

The Dutch village of Giethoorn has no roads; its buildings are connected entirely by canals and footbridges. (And don’t you just want to go there now after seeing these pictures?)

The first American film to show a toilet being flushed on screen was Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho.

The top of the Eiffel Tower leans away from the sun, as the metal facing the sun heats up and expands. It can move as much as seven inches.

Lt. Col. “Mad” Jack Churchill was the only British soldier in WWII known to have killed an enemy soldier with a longbow. “Mad Jack” insisted on going into battle armed with both a medieval bow and a claymore sword. (God bless “Mad Jack.” I wonder if he also wore a kilt?)

There are around 60,000 miles of blood vessels in the human body. If you took them all out and laid them end to end, they’d stretch around the world more than twice. (But, seriously, don’t do that.)

So there you have it. A whole bunch of useless knowledge to clutter up your brains. I know, silly, but, I took your mind of the political circus for a few minutes anyway, huh?

What crazy thoughts do you want to share? Any random weirdness happening in your world? Who wants to go with me to Giethoorn? Have kayak will travel.

Thanks for stopping by. Until next week – here’s to random weirdness.

Word of the day: Lytta

Fun fact about me: I fed a reindeer lettuce when I was in Alaska.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, November 2016. Photos courtesy Google Images.

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A Peek At My Rare 2-Story, 4-Hole Outhouse

Most of you know about outhouses. Some of you have probably even used one at one point in your life. I’m not talking about the port-a-potty johns at the county fair either, I’m talking about the real life wooden structures with a bench seat inside.

Photo courtesy Google Images

I’m sure you’re familiar with how these contraptions work; you dig a hole and place your little house over the hole. When said hole is full, you dig another one someplace else, move the house and throw dirt over the almost full former sewage hole. That is why outhouses were portable.

Well folks, the lady who designed my house (Leona Baer), had a different idea for her privvies. You see, she did not want her elite socialite friends and distinguished guests to have to trapise out into the elements to use the outhouse. Oh no, that would be a disgrace. She insisted that her privvies be attached to the house and under a covered walkway (aka porch). And, of course, there had to be a mens and a ladies facility. No co-ed for Ms. Leona Baer. No sirree.

Photo by P. Rickrode. November 2015.

Women’s side of outhouse at Baer House Inn. Photo by P. Rickrode. November 2015.

Men’s side of outhouse at Baer House Inn. Photo by P. Rickrode. November 2015.

Notice that the ladies side is much bigger than the mens? That’s because ladies wore hoop skirts and needed more room to negotiate around and get everything settled into place. Imagine trying to use the facilities shown above wearing this:

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Now, having your outhouse attached to your house is certainly convenient, but it created a huge problem: what to do when the holes got full. Well, obviously, you clean them out. Say what? Shovel s$%@? I know. Right? Who is God’s name wants that job? But, shovel s$%@ someone did. You see, Leona had workers dig a pit, a cistern if you will, and covered it with a permanent structure that sat very close to the house (not completely attached) but connected by an extension of the porch. She really created a very primative septic system, minus the leach lines.

Here’s a picture of the downstairs portion of this structure. This shot is taken from the farthest end of the porch where the men’s privy was (the door on the left) looking back toward the back door of the house on the first floor.

Photo by P. Rickrode. November 2015.

But, wait, there’s more.

If you will remember, the title of this blog mentioned a 2-story, 4-hole outhouse. Two stories? Yes, my friends – two stories. One hole on the ground level and one hole above it on the second story. Here’s how my second story porch looks. The privvies are through that little doorway at the end of the porch.

Upstairs porch and walkway to privy. Photo by P. Rickrode. November 2015.

Notice the white lattice work at the end of the porch? Well, that would be the enclosure. You can see the 2 doorways at the very end of the hallway.

2nd story outhouse at Baer House Inn. Photo by P. Rickrode. November 2015.

Here’s what it looks like from afar. The privvies are enclosed by that white lattice on both floors.

Baer House Inn 2-story outhouse. Photo by P. Rickrode. November 2015.

How do these things work you ask? Well, on level one of the house, a person walks in about 2 feet and encounters the hole. On the second level, a person walks in about 4 feet before encountering the hole. Now, mind you, there is a wall directly behind the hole on the ground level so nothing falls down upon you from above, but you can hear everything directly behind your head that falls from above. I know . . . how pleasant.

Why two stories? Well, thank you for asking. You see, Ms. Baer felt that her family should not mix and mingle with her esteemed guests, so much so that the children and servants were relegated to the second floor. But not just during parties or social events. Oh no. No, no, no. Children had to remain upstairs ALL THE TIME. They were never allowed downstairs. They even have their own set of outside stairs in the event they needed to leave the house. They were not allowed to enter or exit the home through the first floor. There had to have been a lot of this going on:

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Not being allowed downstairs created a problem when little Sarah, or little Samuel had to use the facilities. So, Leona fixed the problem by creating their very own privvies on the second floor. The added bonus? If Leona needed to use the bathroom during the middle of the night, she did not have to go all the way downstairs and outside, she simply walked along the upstairs porch to her own private penthouse privy.

Now this structure, that is original to the home, is still standing and part of our house. Of course we don’t use it, but it’s here for everyone to see and admire. The downstairs portion has been repurposed into a very nice, very modern bathroom as part of room number 8, but the original outside doors are still in place. The privy doors are on the left in this picture and the door into room number 8 is on the right.

Room 8, Baer House Inn. Photo by P. Rickrode. November 2015.

 

Room 8 bathroom (former 1st floor outhouse). Photo by P. Rickrode. November 2015.

So tell me dear readers, have you ever seen a 2-story outhouse? Would you have wanted to have the job of cleaning out the poop cistern? Somebody had to do it. Yuck.

Word of the Day: Odurate

Fun fact about me: My uncle had a cabin in upstate Minnesota with no indoor plumbing and we had to use the outhouse whenever we visited. Good times.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, November 2015. Original photos by P. Rickrode. Stock photos courtesy Google Images.

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Who Let The Turkeys Out?

Happy redneck Thanksgiving!

For those of you traveling, be safe. For those of you hosting, stay calm. For those of your staying home by yourself, enjoy the quiet and a good movie. Whatever your plans are this Thanksgiving, be safe, be happy and be kind.

I am thankful for all of my followers and friends and family. Thanks for another year of support.

Word of the Day: Netsuke

Fun fact about me: I’m not overly fond of traditional Thanksgiving day fare.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, November 2015. Video courtesy of YouTube.

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Stupid Dad Words

Image courtesy Google Images

We all know our parents are a little nutty but we love them despite their weirdness. I’ve often wondered how I could have turned out so perfectly normal when I have such goofball parents. Fortunately, I have no children to dispute my normalness, so you’re just going to have to take my word for it.

Anyhoo, so my dad has always mixed up words and smushed words together into one stupid new word; more so when he’s trying to sound really smart. Most days I just smile inwardly and say “uh huh,” and just let the conversation continue as though what he said was exactly right.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Other times I grit my teeth to keep from screaming at him, especialy if I’ve already corrected him on the exact same word.

Some of my dad’s favorite wrong phrases include hi fi and interstate. A conversation he had on the phone the other day went something like this: “I can’t get on the interstate because I don’t have hi fi for my computer.” I rolled my eyes and continued to listen to my dad try to explain to the person on the receiving end of the call, what they heck he was trying to say.

Another favorite of his is “flusterated.” I guess he doesn’t know the difference between flustered and frustrated so he simply squishes them together and hopes people know what he’s trying to say. This look I’m sure has appeared on my face many times.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Yeah, he’s got a special language, all his own. And, on a side note, one not involving an incorrect word, but very similar, the other day he told me he needed help setting up his cassette recorder so he could watch his movies. I asked if he meant his VCR for his video tapes and he said, “No for my little records.” Little records?

Photo courtesy Google Images

Turns out “little records” are cd’s and what he was needing help with was his DVD player.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Yup, my dad needs a cassette recorder for his little records.

What crazy dad words get your all fired up? Do your parents have words or expressions that make you cringe? Do your parents have hi fi on their interstates?

Word of the Day: Gourmand

Fun fact about me: I’ve experienced both hi fi and wi fi in my lifetime.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, October 2015. Photos courtesy Google Images.

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It’s A Trucking Problem

Photo courtesy of Google Images

Last week I posted about some fabulous new furniture we’ve acquired here at the Baer House Inn. Well folks, all of this buying and selling does not happen with the help of magic fairies who come in and transform your house overnight. Oh, how I wish it did.

Everything we’ve acquire recently is old and therefore heavy. Not just heavy, but unusually heavy. A dining room table that weighs about 800 pounds. A huntboard that disassembles into 4 pieces, each pedestal weighing about 200 pounds; the top, one solid piece of finely crafted hardwood, weighing about 400 pounds and the fence about 200 pounds.

Photo courtesy Google Images

This is the good stuff people, the solid, built to last, good stuff.

So, we bought this amazing 450 year old table and chairs at an on-line auction. No problem. Yay us. But wait – we have to pick the stuff up. An 800 pound table with 8 leaves and 14 solidly build, solid walnut chairs.

We have a 2013 Subaru Impreza sedan. How’s this going to work? Lots of trips? Hardly. Meridian is two and a half hours from Vicksburg on a good day with no traffic. Hmmmm.

And did I mention we purchased this out-of-this-world huntboard that came off of a ship – an honest-to-goodness sailing ship on the high seas? It was built in the 1750’s. From solid hard wood. With pegs and carved out tongue and groove construction. And heavy sold metal hinges. (It’s a wonder those ships didn’t sink.)

Did I mention that we have a 2013 Subaru Impreza sedan? How’s this going to work? Luggage rack? I don’t think so.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

You see – it’s a trucking problem. We don’t have a truck. We used to have a truck, but we sold it because gasoline in California was over $5.00 a gallon at one point and we drove that truck alot. It was over $100 to fill that beast up and we filled up at least once a week or more. We couldn’t afford the truck. Well guess what? Now we need that truck. And, even more ironically, gasoline here is under $2.00 a gallon. And, to add insult to injury, everything we need to haul is relatively close to our house so we’d probably only need to fill up once a month if that.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Oh Mr. Murphy – damn you and your stupid “laws.” Guess we’ll be getting a truck soon. Subaru, it’s been nice knowing you.

What ironies have befallen you lately dear readers? Do you find yourself needing something you’ve gotten rid of? How often do you use a truck?

Word of the Day: Filial

Fun fact about me: I actually like driving trucks, although parking can be a challenge.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, September 2015. Photos courtesy Google Images.

 

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Witchore and Other Southern Words

I’m a word snob; I admit it. But, I have to be. I’m a writer, it comes with the territory. If’n I didn’t talk good nobody’d buy my books. But here in the south, folks, even well educated folks, look at you funny if you speak proper English.

Image courtesy Google Images

Here, people like to run words together. I find it amusing to listen to the locals talk. I know what they’re saying, but it’s ain’t said right. Here, they use words like “witchore,” and “atchu.” I’ve started a mental dictionary because I hear repeated piggybacked words all run together a lot. Here’s a partial list:

Photo courtesy Google Images

Witchore – “What kind of dressing you want witchore salad?”

Tars – “Yesterday I had two flat tars on my car.”

Atchu – “I’m looking atchu.”

Deygohn – “Are the Rickrodes still in California?” “No. Deygohn.”

Andem – “Who’s coming for dinner?” “Patricia andem.”

Ohl – “You put a little ohl on that and it’ll slide easier.”

Gwan – “Gwan down the Frontage road to Wal-Mart.”

Sumpin – “You want sumpin to drink?”

I’m trying my darndest not to laugh at these colloquialisms but sometimes a smile still creeps onto my face. So far I haven’t had to explain myself, but I’m sure one of these days, someone will ask me what I find amusing.

What about you dear readers, what expressions make you smile? What wrong words drive you crazy? The one I find the most annoying is using “axe” for “ask.” Drives. Me. Nuts. Don’t axe me why.

Word of the Day: Bonbonniere

Fun Fact About Me: I secretly enjoy silently making fun of the way people talk. Hey, I’m a self-admitted word snob.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, August 2015. Photos courtesy Google Images

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Why spelling matters

I’m a spelling snob. I admit it. I laugh gleefully at other peoples’ spelling mistakes. Heck, I laugh at my own spelling mistakes. There’s probably a spelling mistake in this post.

These days it’s easier than ever to “catch” spelling mistakes with a clever little device known as “spell check,” or “auto correct.” However, there are certain things that are not hooked up to spell check or auto correct. Like people. Nobody is equipped with spell check or auto correct (yet), so they have to rely on their own good grammar skills to catch misspelled words. Unfortunately, too few people actually go to the trouble of proof reading their own written words. Here are a few prime examples of folks who should have been a little more diligent in their spell checking efforts.

Should we be sending our children here?

Photo courtesy Google Images

Makes me almost want to park in a tow zone.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Who hasn’t been here?

Photo courtesy Google Images

This is an interesting combination. And very affordable.

Photo courtesy Google Images

I’ve got nothing for this. It’s just … yeah.

Photo courtesy Google Images

And here are some examples of why people should never, ever get a tattoo containing words.

What an appropriate place to make such a bold, and permanent, statement.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Unfortunately, this poor person is never going to be one.

Photo courtesy Google Images

And here are a couple that are not misspelled, they’re just plain funny.

Finally, the truth about Shrek.

Photo courtesy Google Images

I’m guessing this toilet never gets used.

Photo courtesy Google Images

How about you dear readers — are you spelling snobs? Do you make that Homer Simpson noise when you see a spelling “oops?”

Word of the Day: Desuetude

Fun fact about me: There are some words that I will never spell correctly, no matter how many times I spell them out loud so I won’t forget.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, March 2015. Photos courtesy Google Images.

 

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Turning the Tables Country Style

Let’s face it, when it comes to country music, women are still expected to fit a certain image. Basically, we are exploited. Well not me exactly because I don’t look like the girls in those videos, but you know what I mean. Country music tells a story and it’s often one of redneck adventures by not so charming cavemen. Songs like, I’m Gonna Miss Her, by Brad Paisley about a guy who chooses fishing all day over losing his wife; What Was I Thinking by Dierks Bentley, about a guy whose sole motivation for doing stupid stuff is a well-endowed woman wearing a skimpy tank top. I’m not proud of it, but the songs and the videos speak for themselves. Don’t believe me? Look it up. Watch the videos.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Well, the time has come to switch things up a little bit. Here’s a look at how two gorgeous young gals turned the tables on the country bumpkins who disrespect beautiful country women. Check it out. (Warning: You won’t be able to unsee this.)

So what do you think dear readers? Did you like the video? Do you like country music? Should we have more Maddie & Tae’s in this world? Inquiring minds want to know.

Word of the Day:  Blitzkrieg

Fun Face About Me: I love me some country music (despite the backward redneck nature of the beast).

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, August 2014. Video courtesy YouTube.

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