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Archive for the ‘redneck’ Category

Happy redneck Thanksgiving!

For those of you traveling, be safe. For those of you hosting, stay calm. For those of your staying home by yourself, enjoy the quiet and a good movie. Whatever your plans are this Thanksgiving, be safe, be happy and be kind.

I am thankful for all of my followers and friends and family. Thanks for another year of support.

Word of the Day: Netsuke

Fun fact about me: I’m not overly fond of traditional Thanksgiving day fare.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, November 2015. Video courtesy of YouTube.

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Image courtesy Google Images

Image courtesy Google Images

We all know our parents are a little nutty but we love them despite their weirdness. I’ve often wondered how I could have turned out so perfectly normal when I have such goofball parents. Fortunately, I have no children to dispute my normalness, so you’re just going to have to take my word for it.

Anyhoo, so my dad has always mixed up words and smushed words together into one stupid new word; more so when he’s trying to sound really smart. Most days I just smile inwardly and say “uh huh,” and just let the conversation continue as though what he said was exactly right.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

Other times I grit my teeth to keep from screaming at him, especialy if I’ve already corrected him on the exact same word.

Some of my dad’s favorite wrong phrases include hi fi and interstate. A conversation he had on the phone the other day went something like this: “I can’t get on the interstate because I don’t have hi fi for my computer.” I rolled my eyes and continued to listen to my dad try to explain to the person on the receiving end of the call, what they heck he was trying to say.

Another favorite of his is “flusterated.” I guess he doesn’t know the difference between flustered and frustrated so he simply squishes them together and hopes people know what he’s trying to say. This look I’m sure has appeared on my face many times.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

Yeah, he’s got a special language, all his own. And, on a side note, one not involving an incorrect word, but very similar, the other day he told me he needed help setting up his cassette recorder so he could watch his movies. I asked if he meant his VCR for his video tapes and he said, “No for my little records.” Little records?

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

Turns out “little records” are cd’s and what he was needing help with was his DVD player.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

Yup, my dad needs a cassette recorder for his little records.

What crazy dad words get your all fired up? Do your parents have words or expressions that make you cringe? Do your parents have hi fi on their interstates?

Word of the Day: Gourmand

Fun fact about me: I’ve experienced both hi fi and wi fi in my lifetime.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, October 2015. Photos courtesy Google Images.

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Photo courtesy of Google Images

Photo courtesy of Google Images

Last week I posted about some fabulous new furniture we’ve acquired here at the Baer House Inn. Well folks, all of this buying and selling does not happen with the help of magic fairies who come in and transform your house overnight. Oh, how I wish it did.

Everything we’ve acquire recently is old and therefore heavy. Not just heavy, but unusually heavy. A dining room table that weighs about 800 pounds. A huntboard that disassembles into 4 pieces, each pedestal weighing about 200 pounds; the top, one solid piece of finely crafted hardwood, weighing about 400 pounds and the fence about 200 pounds.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

This is the good stuff people, the solid, built to last, good stuff.

So, we bought this amazing 450 year old table and chairs at an on-line auction. No problem. Yay us. But wait – we have to pick the stuff up. An 800 pound table with 8 leaves and 14 solidly build, solid walnut chairs.

We have a 2013 Subaru Impreza sedan. How’s this going to work? Lots of trips? Hardly. Meridian is two and a half hours from Vicksburg on a good day with no traffic. Hmmmm.

And did I mention we purchased this out-of-this-world huntboard that came off of a ship – an honest-to-goodness sailing ship on the high seas? It was built in the 1750’s. From solid hard wood. With pegs and carved out tongue and groove construction. And heavy sold metal hinges. (It’s a wonder those ships didn’t sink.)

Did I mention that we have a 2013 Subaru Impreza sedan? How’s this going to work? Luggage rack? I don’t think so.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

You see – it’s a trucking problem. We don’t have a truck. We used to have a truck, but we sold it because gasoline in California was over $5.00 a gallon at one point and we drove that truck alot. It was over $100 to fill that beast up and we filled up at least once a week or more. We couldn’t afford the truck. Well guess what? Now we need that truck. And, even more ironically, gasoline here is under $2.00 a gallon. And, to add insult to injury, everything we need to haul is relatively close to our house so we’d probably only need to fill up once a month if that.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Oh Mr. Murphy – damn you and your stupid “laws.” Guess we’ll be getting a truck soon. Subaru, it’s been nice knowing you.

What ironies have befallen you lately dear readers? Do you find yourself needing something you’ve gotten rid of? How often do you use a truck?

Word of the Day: Filial

Fun fact about me: I actually like driving trucks, although parking can be a challenge.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, September 2015. Photos courtesy Google Images.

 

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I’m a word snob; I admit it. But, I have to be. I’m a writer, it comes with the territory. If’n I didn’t talk good nobody’d buy my books. But here in the south, folks, even well educated folks, look at you funny if you speak proper English.

Image courtesy Google Images

Image courtesy Google Images

Here, people like to run words together. I find it amusing to listen to the locals talk. I know what they’re saying, but it’s ain’t said right. Here, they use words like “witchore,” and “atchu.” I’ve started a mental dictionary because I hear repeated piggybacked words all run together a lot. Here’s a partial list:

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

Witchore – “What kind of dressing you want witchore salad?”

Tars – “Yesterday I had two flat tars on my car.”

Atchu – “I’m looking atchu.”

Deygohn – “Are the Rickrodes still in California?” “No. Deygohn.”

Andem – “Who’s coming for dinner?” “Patricia andem.”

Ohl – “You put a little ohl on that and it’ll slide easier.”

Gwan – “Gwan down the Frontage road to Wal-Mart.”

Sumpin – “You want sumpin to drink?”

I’m trying my darndest not to laugh at these colloquialisms but sometimes a smile still creeps onto my face. So far I haven’t had to explain myself, but I’m sure one of these days, someone will ask me what I find amusing.

What about you dear readers, what expressions make you smile? What wrong words drive you crazy? The one I find the most annoying is using “axe” for “ask.” Drives. Me. Nuts. Don’t axe me why.

Word of the Day: Bonbonniere

Fun Fact About Me: I secretly enjoy silently making fun of the way people talk. Hey, I’m a self-admitted word snob.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, August 2015. Photos courtesy Google Images

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I’m a spelling snob. I admit it. I laugh gleefully at other peoples’ spelling mistakes. Heck, I laugh at my own spelling mistakes. There’s probably a spelling mistake in this post.

These days it’s easier than ever to “catch” spelling mistakes with a clever little device known as “spell check,” or “auto correct.” However, there are certain things that are not hooked up to spell check or auto correct. Like people. Nobody is equipped with spell check or auto correct (yet), so they have to rely on their own good grammar skills to catch misspelled words. Unfortunately, too few people actually go to the trouble of proof reading their own written words. Here are a few prime examples of folks who should have been a little more diligent in their spell checking efforts.

Should we be sending our children here?

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

Makes me almost want to park in a tow zone.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

Who hasn’t been here?

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

This is an interesting combination. And very affordable.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

I’ve got nothing for this. It’s just … yeah.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

And here are some examples of why people should never, ever get a tattoo containing words.

What an appropriate place to make such a bold, and permanent, statement.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

Unfortunately, this poor person is never going to be one.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

And here are a couple that are not misspelled, they’re just plain funny.

Finally, the truth about Shrek.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

I’m guessing this toilet never gets used.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

How about you dear readers — are you spelling snobs? Do you make that Homer Simpson noise when you see a spelling “oops?”

Word of the Day: Desuetude

Fun fact about me: There are some words that I will never spell correctly, no matter how many times I spell them out loud so I won’t forget.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, March 2015. Photos courtesy Google Images.

 

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Let’s face it, when it comes to country music, women are still expected to fit a certain image. Basically, we are exploited. Well not me exactly because I don’t look like the girls in those videos, but you know what I mean. Country music tells a story and it’s often one of redneck adventures by not so charming cavemen. Songs like, I’m Gonna Miss Her, by Brad Paisley about a guy who chooses fishing all day over losing his wife; What Was I Thinking by Dierks Bentley, about a guy whose sole motivation for doing stupid stuff is a well-endowed woman wearing a skimpy tank top. I’m not proud of it, but the songs and the videos speak for themselves. Don’t believe me? Look it up. Watch the videos.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

Well, the time has come to switch things up a little bit. Here’s a look at how two gorgeous young gals turned the tables on the country bumpkins who disrespect beautiful country women. Check it out. (Warning: You won’t be able to unsee this.)

So what do you think dear readers? Did you like the video? Do you like country music? Should we have more Maddie & Tae’s in this world? Inquiring minds want to know.

Word of the Day:  Blitzkrieg

Fun Face About Me: I love me some country music (despite the backward redneck nature of the beast).

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, August 2014. Video courtesy YouTube.

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We all have at least one quirky relative. Some of us have more than one.  In my case, it’s my dad.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

Let me begin by saying that I love my dad very much, warts and all. He’s far from perfect, but he’s the person God entrusted my care with so I owe him my deepest gratitude for not killing me as a child. And everyone knows that it’s okay for us to poke fun or our own family, but no one else is allowed to – right? That’s just an unspoken rule.

So now that that’s all established, I want to share with you my Dad’s four favorite words: “I’m throwing that away.”

I know – weird. But my dad has a fascination with junk. He’s a crap hoarder. His house is not cluttered to the rafters, but his sheds, or as he calls them collectively, his “shop,” is a different story. There is not one square inch of uncluttered space in his “shop.”

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

If anyone knows my dad, you can get an immediate visual of this “shop,” but for those of you who haven’t had that . . . ah . . . privilege, let me just say that the “shop” is a series of crudely-constructed sheds, attached together by staples, bailing wire and duct tape, in a row, much like box cars on a train track. When one fills up, he constructs and attaches another, sometimes cutting a hole in the adjoining walls – for walk-through purposes – sometimes not. Collectively this row of mind-blowing dilapidation is known as “the shop.”

My dad will drag home anything. He often does yard work or minor brush clearing for older folks or single ladies and he brings home whatever he uncovers. If someone is moving and cleaning out a garage, my dad is the first one to volunteer to help. He’ll haul home anything left behind, including stuff intended for the dump. Recently my husband and I started cleaning out the ravine below our house. We unearthed a dented hula hoop, a deflated basketball, a plastic oar with a broken handle, and a three-wheeled wagon with a broken axle. My dad’s eyes lit up with pure joy when he saw these treasures in the refuse pile.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

“What’re you doing with that stuff?” inquires my dad.

“We’re throwing it away,” I reply.

“Oh, don’t do that,” says my dad with barely contained excitement. “I’ll take it home.”

What in God’s name my father is going to do with a dented hula hoop and a deflated basketball is anyone’s guess, but I let him load that crap up and cart it home. I didn’t even want to ask his intentions.  I’ve just learned that shit like that is to my dad like manna was to the Israelites in the Desert of Sin. It delights and nourishes him in indescribable ways. (Is it sacrilege to use a swear word in a biblical metaphor?)

That’s my dad – gotta love him. Or as they say in the south, “Bless his heart.”

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

What weird-o family traits are kept in your closet? Come on, spill it. I’d love to hear about your quirky relatives.

Word of the Day: Quandong (it sounds dirty, but it’s not)

Fun fact about me: I like to scrapbook.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, June 2014. Photos courtesy Google Images.

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Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

According to my go-to, on-line dictionary, the word “rude” is defined as follows:

1. discourteous or impolite, especially in a deliberate way.
2. without culture, learning, or refinement.
3. rough in manners or behavior; unmannerly; uncouth.
4. rough, harsh, or ungentle.
5. roughly wrought, built, or formed; of a crude construction or kind.

I think it’s pretty safe to assume that most of know someone who is rude. But, would any of us consider ourselves rude? Hmmm? Let’s be honest, are you ever rude?

I am guilty of rude behavior on occasion. But, I consider my questionable behavior to be acceptable rude. More along the lines of redneck behavior.  Below is a list of things that, in my opinion, with the exception of two, are rude or acceptable rude. This is the topic of this month’s Take It or Leave It.

As a reminder, here’s how Take It or Leave It works: Post your guesses (would I take it, or leave it) in the comments section below. I will post my responses Thursday. The person with the most correct guesses is my winner, but you must post another comment in the comments section, acknowledging that you are a winner, in order to claim your prize. It’s that simple. Unclaimed prizes will be forfeited after one week from posting the answers.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

So, here we go. Would I – Take It or Leave It:

1)  Spike the punch at a party.

2) Pick up a hitchhiker.

3)  Leave my outside light on all night just to annoy my annoying neighbor.

4)  Eat all of the cereal but put the empty box back in the pantry.

5) Return my husband’s car with no gas in it.

6)  Fart and blame it on the dog.

7)  Buy something expensive, knowing that I’m only going to wear it once for some special occasion, and then return it to the store.

8)  Overtip a waiter because another customer was rude.

9) Leave my shopping cart in an unoccupied spot in the parking lot instead of returning it to the cart corral.

10) Leave something on the curb with a “free” sign on it to avoid having to take it to the dump.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

So, what do you think? Are there certain rude behaviors that might be considered acceptable? What acceptable rude behavior are you guilty of?

Word of the day: Mingy

Fun fact about me: I absolutely detest the Wedding March song. (Here comes the bride, da, da, da, blaaahhh.) HATE IT!!

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, May 2014. Photos courtesy Google Images.

 

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I’ll leave you – my awesome followers – with this fun holiday greeting. Click on the link below for a smile.

http://www.egreetings.com/display/holidays/christmas/funny?prodnum=3040115&path=2455042

Until next year my friends, be safe, be happy, be kind to one another.

Word of the day and fun facts about me will resume next year.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, December 2013. Video courtesy of e-greetings.

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Image courtesy Google

Image courtesy Google

It’s time once again for another round of What Haven’t I, the guessing game about who I am and what I have or haven’t done. I’ve devoted this edition to that ghoulish time of year, Halloween.

Here’s a reminder, the rules: Post your answers (guesses) in the comments section below, keeping in mind that three of the answers are things that I have actually done, one is something I have not done. That’s it. Post your answers and then check back on the 17th to see how well you did (guessed). The first person to post another comment on the 17th, regardless of how many they got right, AND the best guesser (person with the most correct answers) will both be awarded prizes.

You can’t win if you don’t play so put on those guessing caps and get to work.

1. What costume haven’t I donned for Halloween: a) Sexy scorceress; b) saloon girl; c) Snow White, or d) redneck tourist.

2.  What haven’t I served at a Halloween party:  a) pizza; b) beer; c) chips or d) Cracker Jack.

Photo courtesy of Google Images

Photo courtesy of Google Images

3.  What activity haven’t I engaged in on Halloween night:  a) trick or treating; b) handing out candy; c) playing hide and seek in a cemetary, or d) driving trick or treaters from neighborhood to neighborhood.

4.  What haven’t I done at a Halloween party:  a) played the piano; b) sang a song; c) bobbed for apples; or d) tap danced.

5.  What haven’t I watched on Halloween night:  a) It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown; b) A Disney Halloween; c) Castle (Halloween edition) or; d) Halloween.

That’s it. Good luck and I’ll look forward to ya’ll stopping back on the 17th.

Word of the Day: Labeaction

Fun Fact about me:  I can’t “quirk a brow,” like every single person in every single romance novel can. Am I a freak?

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