Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘alcohol’

My life as an innkeeper is never dull. Most of the time my work is very rewarding. The average guest is very nice and respectful. And every day I see or hear something that makes me go:

bewildered-face

Being an innkeeper has challenges for sure, but there’s an amusing side as well. And an even larger amazing component that most people probably don’t even think about. (more…)

Read Full Post »

Today’s blog is full of silliness. The following statements are proven facts that very few people know. Until today. Here at the Edge of Eternity, I aim to educate in a freakishly fun way.

So, without further ado, let’s get down to the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth:

surprised face 2

Honey does not spoil. That’s right. Evidently you can eat 3,000 year old honey and suffer no painful consequences.

(more…)

Read Full Post »

forgetting stuff memeSo another week is upon us and I find myself wondering: what left behind items am I going to find today? Last week was epic for people forgetting stuff. We hit the Mother Lode of things forgotten. Every day we came upon some poor item left behind in one of the guest rooms.

Oh sure, we’ve found items before now, but nothing of significance. Quite a few times I find little pills on the floor or on the bathroom vanity or even in the bed. I’ve often wondered if I should call the departed guest to let them know that someone forgot to take their medicine (I’d hate for someone to have a heart attack because they failed to take their preventative pill). But then I follow that up with, “what if an extra pill just dropped out of the bottle and if I call them, they’ll panic and take an extra one and have a heart attack or something because I’ve frightened them?” It’s such a quandary.

(more…)

Read Full Post »

The menopause saga continues folks and let me tell you, it gets weirder and weirder. I have to laugh, because my only other choice is to cry myself into a padded room. And let me start by saying that men definitely got off easier (again) on the whole aging thing. I mean, at mid-life they just buy an expensive sports car and – bam – they’re over it and move on into their golden years.

Women however, we experience mid-life differently. Most get the “usual” physical symptoms, hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, bulging bellies. But not me my friends. No sirree, not me, although my belly does bulge a little. I have all of the “other” symptoms. I ones you never hear about.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

Let me explain. For awhile now I’ve been experiencing some strange little things in my body. Things like a sore thumb one day, a sore wrist the next three, creaking knees the following week. No injury, no apparent reason for the pain. And, sometimes while I’m driving, my fingers go numb; my feet often “go to sleep” when I’m watching TV. I’ve also been having extreme vision issues, issues not correctable (or explainable) by my eye doctor. I wear a different bi-focal contact lens in each eye and I still have to wear glasses sometimes. And then there’s days when I just can’t seem to see at all, my vision is so blurry. And my eyes hurt. They feel dry and gritty and they twitch. A lot. But then at night, when I lay down to try to sleep, they water like crazy, soaking my pillow on both sides of my head. What the heck? What is this madness?

Where am I going with this? I’ll tell you. I did some research on WebMD.com for dry eyes and joint pain. Both list possible causes for the ailment and potential remedies. But way down on the list for each problem I found that these conditions may be the result of menopause. Say what? Dry eyes and joint pain are menopause symptoms?

Apparently so. And this created a burning need to research menopause a little deeper, leading me to a long list of “unusual” symptoms of menopause. Holy cow! I have more than half of those “unusual” symptoms. And what’s even funnier are the suggested homeopathic treatments for the symptoms.

Here’s an abbreviated list of lesser known menopause symptoms: loss of bladder control, extreme fatigue, inability to concentrate, tingling extremities, irregular heartbeat, anxiety, weight gain, hair loss, brittle nails, and bloating.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

Here’s a partial list of cures: drink lots of water, exercise, get lots of rest.

Okie dokie. Let’s just back the apple cart up a little bit here shall we?

My symptom is loss of bladder control and you tell me to “drink lots of water?” Really? How is this helpful? I cannot sleep more than two hours at night and you’re telling me that the cure is to “get lots of rest?” Well duh. And wouldn’t that be nice? And you say that more exercise will cure the weight retention and bloating issues? Yeah, maybe under normal conditions, but, I am so freaking tired there is no way in hell I’m going to exercise more.  I can barely get through one 1-hour zumba class a week. Most of my exercise these days consists of getting up from my two-hour nap each night.

And I might experience anxiety. You think? I’m pretty sure that getting only two hours of sleep each night might make me a little — how shall I say this — tense. Not to mention my hair is thinning at an alarming rate. And my heartbeat is so irregular I think I’m having a heart attack and in fact, consider waking my husband up to have him drive me to the emergency room. I’m pretty sure, this symptom would make anyone anxious.

This article is really funny.

I little farther down on this ever-so-helpful site I read that menopause can last anywhere from twelve months to twelve years. ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME? Twelve freaking years?!? Nothing anxious about that. Can’t I just buy a Corvette and be rid of it?

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

But here is the kicker my friends; the suggestion that makes me laugh the hardest and longest. The article recommends avoiding alcohol. Seriously? I have 52 things wrong with me and if I drink enough water and get enough exercise and rest in twelve years they MAY go away. But, in those twelve years I’m not to have a drink? Like that’s really going to happen. If there is one thing I really, truly NEED at this very moment in my life, it is alcohol. Please dear God, let me never be out of alcohol. (Unless you bring me a Corvette, then I might reconsider.)

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

So, I know it’s a bit tongue-in-cheek, but seriously, if you read about your symptoms on the web, you may be enlightened. Or mislead. Or entertained. I was definitely entertained at the end of my on-line research. However, I am a little less worried about all of the little crazy symptoms I’m having. There’s light at the end of the twelve-year tunnel that they may go away. Seems I’m not having a heart attack, I’m simply anxious. And I’m definitely going to try staying up all night exercising and drinking water since, Lord knows, I certainly won’t be sleeping.

So (everybody raise your glass), here’s to aging, hair loss, peeing your pants, being awake all night, slightly overweight, anxious and blurry-eyed. I thank the good Lord every single day that I am generally healthy, happy, mobile, employed, and do not have some horrible debilitating disease, or chronic condition impacting my life in ways too unspeakable to mention here. If getting old means having a few aches and pains and anxiety along the way, so be it. I’ll take every day I am blessed to live. Even without a Corvette.

How about you readers: have you ever experienced any unusual or unexplainable condition that worried you? Do you try to self-diagnose? Do you rely on information you read on the web? Ever find a silly suggestion to fix a problem?

And, if I haven’t told you lately, I am blessed to call you all friends and thankful for your support.

Word of the Day: Nide

Fun fact about me: If it were practical and affordable I would drive an expensive sports car every single day. (And that’s not just the menopause talking.)

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, May 2015. Photos courtesy Google Images.

Read Full Post »

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

Today folks, I’m taking you on a little journey through my e-mail Spam inbox. I’ve taken the partial headings below, in the exact order they appeared in my spam folder, and created some sentences that might make for a very interesting novel. Let me know what you think.

1. No games – several local businesses are looking for – wild cougars looking for horny men – let the madness begin!

2.  If you are not interested in – rapid wrinkle reduction and prevention – why get married?

3.  There’s a secret the legal recruiting industry is keeping – we’re bringing the heat about quick painless toenail fungus.

4.  I want to show you something on my webcam – when divorce isn’t an option – take control of your alcohol problem with – free coupons for oil change.

5.  Now’s the time to become a nurse – we need men that – will kill us if we don’t help – two Russian hotties looking for you.

6.  Pretty women are sharing topless pictures of – a bizarre but safe way to eliminate.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

I don’t know about you, but that last one sure sounds like a photo I’d be better off not seeing. But, I did find this photo that could certainly constitute a “bizarre way to eliminate,” however, I’m not sure how “safe” it would be.

7.  Here’s an easy reason not to get married – we have the cash you need – up to $10,000 – all real, all beautiful, all yours.

8.  Looking for love? – Don’t ignore this – these women will do anything for – lowest prices on digital TV and more.

9.  Unleash your naughty side – no exam required – lucky you!

No exam required to unleash my naughty side? Well sign me up. All these years I’ve been thinking there was going to be a test so I’ve been avoiding anything naughty. Well, not any more my friends. Naughty side – here I come!

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

What interesting stuff have you encountered in your spam box? I’d love to see some creative sentences from your own private spam folders.

Word of the day:  Eisteddfod

Fun fact about me:  I empty my spam folder every day.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, March 2015. Photos courtesy Google Images.

Read Full Post »

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

According to my go-to, on-line dictionary, the word “rude” is defined as follows:

1. discourteous or impolite, especially in a deliberate way.
2. without culture, learning, or refinement.
3. rough in manners or behavior; unmannerly; uncouth.
4. rough, harsh, or ungentle.
5. roughly wrought, built, or formed; of a crude construction or kind.

I think it’s pretty safe to assume that most of know someone who is rude. But, would any of us consider ourselves rude? Hmmm? Let’s be honest, are you ever rude?

I am guilty of rude behavior on occasion. But, I consider my questionable behavior to be acceptable rude. More along the lines of redneck behavior.  Below is a list of things that, in my opinion, with the exception of two, are rude or acceptable rude. This is the topic of this month’s Take It or Leave It.

As a reminder, here’s how Take It or Leave It works: Post your guesses (would I take it, or leave it) in the comments section below. I will post my responses Thursday. The person with the most correct guesses is my winner, but you must post another comment in the comments section, acknowledging that you are a winner, in order to claim your prize. It’s that simple. Unclaimed prizes will be forfeited after one week from posting the answers.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

So, here we go. Would I – Take It or Leave It:

1)  Spike the punch at a party.

2) Pick up a hitchhiker.

3)  Leave my outside light on all night just to annoy my annoying neighbor.

4)  Eat all of the cereal but put the empty box back in the pantry.

5) Return my husband’s car with no gas in it.

6)  Fart and blame it on the dog.

7)  Buy something expensive, knowing that I’m only going to wear it once for some special occasion, and then return it to the store.

8)  Overtip a waiter because another customer was rude.

9) Leave my shopping cart in an unoccupied spot in the parking lot instead of returning it to the cart corral.

10) Leave something on the curb with a “free” sign on it to avoid having to take it to the dump.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

So, what do you think? Are there certain rude behaviors that might be considered acceptable? What acceptable rude behavior are you guilty of?

Word of the day: Mingy

Fun fact about me: I absolutely detest the Wedding March song. (Here comes the bride, da, da, da, blaaahhh.) HATE IT!!

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, May 2014. Photos courtesy Google Images.

 

Read Full Post »

It happened – I’ve officially been granted the Liebster Award.

liebster-award

What does that mean you ask? It means that I am now officially a Liebster. It’s sort of a distant cousin to the lobster, only without the deep red color and fishy smell. And it’s a little bit like being a leprechaun only taller and less green. Oh let’s be real, I have no idea what it means, but I’m honored just the same that Emily at Adventures of Dog Mom, has bestowed this gracious award on all of her loyal subjects followers.

Here’s the link to Emily’s blog: http://wp.me/p2oq4C-2jP I recommend you check it out if you’re a lover of dogs.

Now this honor is not to be taken lightly; there are regulations that must be followed if you decide to accept the illustrious award. It’s sort of like living in a community governed by CC&R’s. They’re not so bad until you violate one of them. I don’t want to be a violator, so here’s my showing of respect:

Because I’m a rebel like Emily, I’m going to break the rules a bit and not nominate just 11 blogs, but rather share it with all my wonderful readers! So if you are a blogger who would like to have this award all I ask is that you tell people where it came from then copy and paste the questions below with your own individual responses. It’ll be fun. Go on. Do it.

Princess Diana. Photo courtesy Google Images

Princess Diana. Photo courtesy Google Images

What is the goal for your blog? I want to make people smile and make them aware of who I am and what I stand for.
If you could meet anyone (past or present), who would it be? I don’t have just one; I have three: Walt Disney (duh), Princess Diana, and Ellen DeGeneres.
Do you have pets? If so, tell us about them! Currently I have one purebred yellow lab named Sherlock. In the past I have had dogs, cats, horses and birds.
What is your guilty pleasure? Hmmmm. Alcohol I guess. And fresh baked bread.
If you won the lottery, what is the first major purchase you would make? Sports car. Dodge viper probably.
What is one simple thing that makes you happy? Baby anythings. I’m a sucker for puppies, kittens, baby birds, any baby animal.
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? Right now my answer is North Carolina, but Tennessee is really pretty, too.
What is the hardest thing about blogging? Technology. There’s really cool things I see on other peoples’ blogs that I wish I knew how to do.
What is your favorite thing about dogs? They love unconditionally. I accidentally stepped on my dog’s tail with a spiked heel and he yelped but then immediately wanted me to play with him. It’s as if he were comforting me because I felt bad for stepping on him.
What is the last book you read? Mozart Murders by Loucinda McGary.  http://www.amazon.com/Mozart-Murders-Loucinda-McGary-ebook/dp/B00JAZU5YW/ref=sr_1_10?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1398893975&sr=1-10&keywords=loucinda+mcgary
Who is your favorite musician/band? I like new age music and I listen to a lot of David Arkenstone. I also like Enya and Celtic Women. I like Toby Keith, too and pretty much all old time rock and roll. It’s hard to choose just one.

 

So there you have it. Now it’s your turn. I can’t wait to see your answers future Liebsters!

Word of the Day: Latitudinarian

Fun fact about me: I rarely wear the color orange.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, May 2014. Princess Diana photo courtesy Google Images.

Read Full Post »

Well it’s the middle of the month and time for my February edition of What Haven’t I? Congratulations to January’s winner, Jennette Powell. Question mark

This year I decided to show my readers a little bit more about who Jansen Schmidt really is. We kicked the year off in January where you learned about some of my show business experiences. CupidThis month, in honor of Cupid, I’m going to let you ponder my wicked ways. I look forward to your quesses and I must confess to being very curious as to just how wicked you believe I am. Yes, I will be awarding prizes again this month. You don’t have to know a single thing about me to play. All you have to do is record your guesses in the comments section below.

Remember, three of the answers are things that I have actually done. Only one is something I have not done. Unless there’s a trick question. I’m nutty that way. And, you can’t win if you don’t play. Have fun and good luck!

My responses will be posted on February 21st. The person with the most correct guesses will win a prize (if they check back and acknowledge that they have won by leaving another comment) AND the first person who responds back, regardless of how many responses they got right, will also receive a prize if they leave a second comment.

So without further ado, let the guessing begin:

lace panties#1 – What haven’t I slept in:  a) the nude; b) boxer shorts; c) my underwear; or d) silk pajamas.

#2 – What undergarment haven’t I worn: a) spanx; b) garter belt; c) merry widow; or d) g-string.

#3 – What person haven’t I kissed: a) a cowboy; b) a helicopter pilot; c) a barber; or d) a car salesman.

#4 – What alcohol haven’t I tasted: a) Jagermeister; b) Kaluha; c) Tuaca; or d) Grand Marnier.

#5 – Where haven’t I had a sexual encounter: a) in a car; b) in the shower; c) outside; or d) in a hot tub.

Word of the Day:  Quintal

Fun fact about me: In sixth grade I was the tallest kid in my class. (Unfortunately I’m still the same height today.)

Read Full Post »