Fun With Spam

Photo courtesy Google Images

Today folks, I’m taking you on a little journey through my e-mail Spam inbox. I’ve taken the partial headings below, in the exact order they appeared in my spam folder, and created some sentences that might make for a very interesting novel. Let me know what you think.

1. No games – several local businesses are looking for – wild cougars looking for horny men – let the madness begin!

2.  If you are not interested in – rapid wrinkle reduction and prevention – why get married?

3.  There’s a secret the legal recruiting industry is keeping – we’re bringing the heat about quick painless toenail fungus.

4.  I want to show you something on my webcam – when divorce isn’t an option – take control of your alcohol problem with – free coupons for oil change.

5.  Now’s the time to become a nurse – we need men that – will kill us if we don’t help – two Russian hotties looking for you.

6.  Pretty women are sharing topless pictures of – a bizarre but safe way to eliminate.

Photo courtesy Google Images

I don’t know about you, but that last one sure sounds like a photo I’d be better off not seeing. But, I did find this photo that could certainly constitute a “bizarre way to eliminate,” however, I’m not sure how “safe” it would be.

7.  Here’s an easy reason not to get married – we have the cash you need – up to $10,000 – all real, all beautiful, all yours.

8.  Looking for love? – Don’t ignore this – these women will do anything for – lowest prices on digital TV and more.

9.  Unleash your naughty side – no exam required – lucky you!

No exam required to unleash my naughty side? Well sign me up. All these years I’ve been thinking there was going to be a test so I’ve been avoiding anything naughty. Well, not any more my friends. Naughty side – here I come!

Photo courtesy Google Images

What interesting stuff have you encountered in your spam box? I’d love to see some creative sentences from your own private spam folders.

Word of the day:  Eisteddfod

Fun fact about me:  I empty my spam folder every day.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, March 2015. Photos courtesy Google Images.

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Sometimes You Just Have To Kill ‘Em

Recently Northern California has received some much needed rain. Along with the rain came some pretty serious thunder and lightning. I’m not a huge fan of these kinds of storms, lightning in particular.

Photo courtesy Google Images

One night last week, as thunder rumbled closer and closer, lightning decided to zap us with a thrilling zing of electricity. Our satellite receiver was fried, but fortunately the tv was spared. We did lose a lot of recorded tv shows and movies, much to our dismay.

During the brief – and quiet – period of time between satellite receivers, the hubs and I spent a lot of time reading. A couple of nights ago, he finished a new book by one of his favorite authors and upon completion, he snapped the book shut and said, “I can’t believe it. He killed him off!”

Photo courtesy Google Images

Being a writer, this comes as no surprise to me, so I respond with a casual, “Well, sometimes you have to do that.”

“No you don’t,” replied my husband. “He was a main character. Now the series is over. I liked Cody.”

I looked up from my book with a shrug. “Sometimes you have to make a sacrifice for the greater good.”

I went on to explain that sometimes in an author’s made up world, if a character has already served his or her purpose you have to get rid of them somehow. You can’t just stop writing about them; readers will wonder where they’ve wandered off to.

He frowned then said, “You don’t kill off your characters.”

‘Yes, I do,” I said. “You just don’t know because you don’t read my stories.”

He stomped off in a huff to find another book to read.

Photo courtesy Google Images

As fiction authors we’ve got to do what we’ve got to do. Sometimes our characters just don’t talk to us, or sometimes they go a different direction that we see them going. It happens. And if a character is screaming to be killed, well, as a good and proper author, we must make it happen. It’s our way of saving the world one story at a time.

So how about you – do you kill off your characters? Do you hate it when your favorite author takes an unexpected turn with their characters? Inquiring minds, and my husband, want to know.

Oh, and if for some unexpected, yet delightfully surprising reason CJ Box happens to read this post, please stop killing your characters. It makes my husband really grumpy.

Word of the day:  Cozenage

Fun fact about me: I just learned (thanks to Jenny Hansen) that I am neither predominately left or right handed. I have what is known as mixed-handedness. Check out Jenny’s post here: http://jennyhansenauthor.wordpress.com/2014/03/06/lefty-or-righty-are-you-the-hand-you-think-you-are/

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, March 2014. Photos courtesy Google Images.

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