Never Trust A Groundhog

So Groundhog Day has come and gone. The most famous groundhog of Groundhog Day history is Punxsutawney Phil from Pennsylvania. This year on February 2nd, Phil was released from his comfy captivity and forced into the wilds of Gobbler’s Knob in front of a camera crew and numerous onlookers to look around and predict whether or not spring was about to bust loose around us.

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There’s Something Beautiful About the Ugly Truth

The one thing I hate, probably more than anything else in the world, is lying and liars. I hate being lied to. I hate hearing other people telling lies. Lies are ugly, hurtful and sometimes, dangerous. And lies are never necessary with me. I’m a nice person, just tell me the truth. I can handle it.

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Dating Advice From A Former Family Law Paralegal

Image courtesy Google Images

As a lot of you know, I worked in the legal profession in California for, many, many years. Thirty to be exact. Thirty very long years. A good chunk of those years I worked in the family law arena. Yes, that is as horrible exciting as it sounds.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Sure, I’m a little jaded smarter because of it (who wouldn’t be?) but I’m also a better person. And, because I’m a giver, I’m going to pass some of that wisdom on to you, my loyal and faithful tribe.

You’re welcome.

First of all: if you just recently split up with your spouse, it’s NOT a good idea to bring your new “sweetheart” to your first appointment with your divorce lawyer. Yeah, don’t do that. You just look like a cheating fool and I don’t have one iota of sympathy for you.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Second, if you met your current spouse when he or she was married to someone else, then they divorced and married you, but now they are cheating on you – don’t cry about it. You knew they were unfaithful when you met them. What makes you think they’re going to be faithful to you? That makes you an idiot as far as I’m concerned and I don’t have one iota of sympathy for you.

Third, if you fall into one of these categories – stop your sniveling. I call it as I see it and so should you. Sure, love is blind and all of that (bleh), but divorce is eye-opening. And expensive. Use your noggin people and save yourself a few hundred thousand dollars down the road.

Photo courtesy Google Images

And men, if you’re dating a woman who has 3 kids from 3 different fathers, please, please, wear a condom. Every single time. Because, chances are . . . . Just saying. And, yes, she is most likely living off of support from those other poor suckers men and therefore not interested in getting a job. Which means that you will be contributing to her “stay-at-home-mom,” status. After all, someone has to stay home with those illegitimate brats. You very likely might have to get that second job. And, no, I don’t have one iota of sympathy for you. Did you not even consider that this might happen to you?

That last one, applies to women as well. If your new man is paying child support to more than one woman, well, first of all, that’s less money in his pocket for you, and second, if you eventually have a child with this man, that’s less money in your pocket for that baby. Just saying. No, I don’t have one iota of sympathy for you either. Did you not think that maybe he might be a – oh, I don’t know – a player, a use ’em and lose ’em kind of guy? Think about it.

Photo courtesy Google Images

I think you can all see a trend here. I pretty much don’t have any iotas of sympathy for these losers. Not that everyone getting divorced is a sex-starved loser with illegitimate children, but if you find yourself suddenly a single person jumping back into the dating pool: start at the shallow end and wade in before submersing yourself completely. Slow down. Being single is not the trauma you think it is. Think. Do your research. Do the math. Ask the hard questions.

Photo courtesy Google Images

That is all for now. If anyone needs more post-divorce dating advice, feel free to contact me. My fee is considerably less than an attorney’s average hourly rate. But, I caution you to contact me BEFORE saying “I do.”

Image courtesy Google Images

What advice do you have for divorced daters? Have any funny experiences to add to this list? I love a good should-have-known-better tale.

Word of the Day: Wampum

Fun fact about me: I love to shop from catalogs.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, January 2016. Photos and images courtesy Google.

 

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