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Posts Tagged ‘lotion’

So, it was an average day, like any other. Sort of. It was actually a holiday and about a bazillion degrees outside. I was sitting at my computer writing, like a good little writer does. After adding several thousand words to my current manuscript, I decided it was time to call it a day. Have a brewski, watch some t.v. and relax.

So there I sat, relaxing and drinking beer. Until I realized that my ring finger on my left hand was throbbing something fierce. I looked at it and thought, “Hm. That looks a little red (purple actually) and swollen. Wonder why?”

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

Must be the heat, I decided. In an effort to relieve the pressure on my finger I wiggled my amazingly beautiful wedding ring around the swollen appendage in an effort to remove it. Pretty ring wouldn’t budge.

“I’ve got to get this thing off!” I twirled the golden sphere and pulled it and yanked on it, applying spit, soap, lotion, ice, everything I could think of to get the blasted piece of junk off my finger. Finally, after much sweating and swearing the dang hunk of obnoxious metal came off. But my finger . . . holy macaroni . . . it was burning and throbbing at almost unbearable proportions.

For a week I iced it and even tried wrapping a very small Ace bandage around it. Swelling did not go away. After another week, I decided it might be time to see a professional.

My regular doctor was on vacation so I was “squeezed in” to see her associate.

Photo courtesy Google Images

Photo courtesy Google Images

The doctor took all of two and a half minutes to look at my finger and tell me it was swollen. (“Ya, think?” I should have been a doctor cuz I figured that one out right away.) He sent me for an x-ray, which of course came back all clear, nothing cracked, snapped or popped inside. He prescribed a ten-day regime of Ibuprofen therapy for the swelling and told me to come back if didn’t get better.

And then it happened. On my way out of the doctor’s office he, a perfect stranger, years younger than me, said, “Looks like in just a few months you’ll be fifty. Don’t forget to schedule a colonoscopy along with your regular annual physical.”

Fighting the urge to flip him the bird with my not swollen middle finger, I smiled (sort of) and said, “Thank you.” And then I silently added, “Asshole.” Like I needed that little reminder.

I have a swollen finger for no apparent reason, I can’t wear my wedding ring, which upsets my husband who thinks I’m using this as an excuse to pick up guys (like who’s going to want a 50-year-old woman with a swollen purple finger), and for the next few months I get to look forward to my annual exam complete with colonoscopy!

I’m a lucky girl!

And here’s a little tip. It’s funny, short, and includes a very short history lesson. Check it out.

So, how about you? How’s things going in your world? What little “reminders” do you wish you hadn’t gotten?

Word of the day: Ecclesiology

Fun fact about me: Sometimes I can whistle and sometimes I can’t. And it’s always when I really, really want to that it won’t happen.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, July 2013. Photos courtesy Google Images. Video courtesy YouTube.

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bird nest

Nesting rituals. We all have them. Some of us take longer than others to complete them, but complete them we will before settling in for the night.

What the H E double hockey sticks am I talking about!?!

western lamp

I’m talking about those little routine things we do every single night, without fail, rain or shine, in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer, before tucking our tired little bodies into our cozy little beds each night. They include things like circling the house and double-checking that every door is locked, all lamps are extinguished, anything edible (including the trash) has been safely cordoned off so the dog cannot get to it, and so on and so forth. We prepare our nest.lotion bottles

The ritual also includes a rigorous regime of removing make-up, washing our faces, applying anti-acne, anti-reddening, anti-wrinkling, anti-sagging, anti-pigment-inducing and anti-aging solutions. This is followed by applying a series of creams, lotions and serums to plump, moisturize, hydrate, lighten, tighten, brighten, exfoliate, tone, even, smooth, correct and protect our skin.

We then brush our hair vigourously, brush and floss our teeth, apply lip balm, hand cream, foot lotion, cuticle oil, and any other product deemed absolutely necessary to keep our bodies youthful and beautiful.

western bedAnd why do we do this night after night?

We do this just so we can go to bed knowing that we have taken every precaution against the harsh elements battling our youth and good health every day. Many of these processes are repeated upon waking, but using different ointments, potions and elixirs formulated specifically for day time use only.

Are we insane? Are we paranoid? Are we fortunate enough to have countless extra minutes at the end of every day just to indulge in these rituals? You tell me.

What does your nesting ritual include? Inquiring minds want to know.

Word of the day: Postliminy

Fun fact about me: I am Ambidextrous

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