Dating Advice From A Former Family Law Paralegal

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As a lot of you know, I worked in the legal profession in California for, many, many years. Thirty to be exact. Thirty very long years. A good chunk of those years I worked in the family law arena. Yes, that is as horrible exciting as it sounds.

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Sure, I’m a little jaded smarter because of it (who wouldn’t be?) but I’m also a better person. And, because I’m a giver, I’m going to pass some of that wisdom on to you, my loyal and faithful tribe.

You’re welcome.

First of all: if you just recently split up with your spouse, it’s NOT a good idea to bring your new “sweetheart” to your first appointment with your divorce lawyer. Yeah, don’t do that. You just look like a cheating fool and I don’t have one iota of sympathy for you.

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Second, if you met your current spouse when he or she was married to someone else, then they divorced and married you, but now they are cheating on you – don’t cry about it. You knew they were unfaithful when you met them. What makes you think they’re going to be faithful to you? That makes you an idiot as far as I’m concerned and I don’t have one iota of sympathy for you.

Third, if you fall into one of these categories – stop your sniveling. I call it as I see it and so should you. Sure, love is blind and all of that (bleh), but divorce is eye-opening. And expensive. Use your noggin people and save yourself a few hundred thousand dollars down the road.

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And men, if you’re dating a woman who has 3 kids from 3 different fathers, please, please, wear a condom. Every single time. Because, chances are . . . . Just saying. And, yes, she is most likely living off of support from those other poor suckers men and therefore not interested in getting a job. Which means that you will be contributing to her “stay-at-home-mom,” status. After all, someone has to stay home with those illegitimate brats. You very likely might have to get that second job. And, no, I don’t have one iota of sympathy for you. Did you not even consider that this might happen to you?

That last one, applies to women as well. If your new man is paying child support to more than one woman, well, first of all, that’s less money in his pocket for you, and second, if you eventually have a child with this man, that’s less money in your pocket for that baby. Just saying. No, I don’t have one iota of sympathy for you either. Did you not think that maybe he might be a – oh, I don’t know – a player, a use ’em and lose ’em kind of guy? Think about it.

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I think you can all see a trend here. I pretty much don’t have any iotas of sympathy for these losers. Not that everyone getting divorced is a sex-starved loser with illegitimate children, but if you find yourself suddenly a single person jumping back into the dating pool: start at the shallow end and wade in before submersing yourself completely. Slow down. Being single is not the trauma you think it is. Think. Do your research. Do the math. Ask the hard questions.

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That is all for now. If anyone needs more post-divorce dating advice, feel free to contact me. My fee is considerably less than an attorney’s average hourly rate. But, I caution you to contact me BEFORE saying “I do.”

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What advice do you have for divorced daters? Have any funny experiences to add to this list? I love a good should-have-known-better tale.

Word of the Day: Wampum

Fun fact about me: I love to shop from catalogs.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, January 2016. Photos and images courtesy Google.

 

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Why Mississippi?

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A lot of people have been asking, especially the locals and our guests: “Why Mississippi?”

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Well, here’s how it happened. My husband and I have always wanted to expand our stock contracting business. We raised bucking bulls for the PBR and the rodeo circuit. In California we didn’t have enough land to raise even one bull and even if we could afford more land, which we couldn’t, we couldn’t afford the feed or the water. That meant that in order to broaden our business, we had to look elsewhere.

For several years, we’ve wanted to move to North Carolina, where one of our partners in the bull business lives. After we decided it was time to “try again,” we went to North Carolina and looked for ranches. But, nothing met our fancy and on the way there my husband told me that I needed to think about what I wanted to do for work so we could check out the job market at the same time.

You see, I’d already decided that 30 years in the legal profession, slaving as a paralegal, most of the time for a family law attorney, was enough. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, was ever happy, including the boss. And in family law, nobody ever wins. It’s a lose, lose, especially for the kids. I had had it.

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So, as I sat there on the plane wracking my brain for possible new careers, I decided that I wanted to do something where people were happy and not expecting miracles from me. I did not want to be chained to a desk. I had worked one summer at a B & B in California and I rather enjoyed it. I’ve always loved entertaining and setting a pretty table with sparkling dishes; crystal, silver, china. I mentioned that to my husband and that’s when we decided that maybe we could do both in North Carolina; buy a ranch, raise cattle, and take in overnight guests.

Well, one thing led to another and we came to the conclusion that running a bed and breakfast was probably going to be the best solution for us since we both needed a place to live and we both needed a job. We’d kill two birds with one stone so to speak.

However, North Carolina didn’t have any inventory that was affordable, so we ditched the idea of North Carolina and explored other venues. Mississippi had the most inventory in our price range and because my husband is a history major and a huge fanatic about the Civil War, we decided that Vicksburg might be a good place for us.

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Turns out, it was. We’ve not had any regrets about our decision and while we miss our horses and bulls and ranching lifestyle, we’ve adapted very well to being innkeepers. We’ve met some amazing people, made some incredible new friends and opened up a whole new world of possibilities.

So folks, there you have it. That’s why Mississippi. We wanted to expand our ranch and be stock contractors so we bought a bed and breakfast in Vicksburg. Go figure.

Never limit yourself people. Think outside the box. Be open to possibilities and possibilities will fall into your lap. I promise.

The change is exactly what I needed. Watch this short funny video and you’ll know exactly why I had to get out of the legal profession. Enjoy.

Can you relate to this video? Have you ever turned your life completely upside down and loved it? Ever started out down one road, ended up on an unexpected road and found a pot of gold? Does change scare you? I’m dying to know so let me have it.

Word of the Day: Tramontane

Fun fact about me: I’ve never been a big fan of being politically correct.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, December 2015. Video courtesy YouTube. Images courtesy Google Images.

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