Be Your Own Cheerleader

I know, I know, being your own cheerleader is hard. That’s why we have friends and support groups and such. But, sometimes, only YOU can talk yourself off the ledge.

Last week I ventured down a path I rarely travel and there’s a reason for that; it’s the road of disappointment and discouragement. Usually I keep the gate shut on that life exit, but sometimes the wind blows it open and that little bastard demon living inside me wants to go exploring. Damn that little demon!

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Dating Advice From A Former Family Law Paralegal

Image courtesy Google Images

As a lot of you know, I worked in the legal profession in California for, many, many years. Thirty to be exact. Thirty very long years. A good chunk of those years I worked in the family law arena. Yes, that is as horrible exciting as it sounds.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Sure, I’m a little jaded smarter because of it (who wouldn’t be?) but I’m also a better person. And, because I’m a giver, I’m going to pass some of that wisdom on to you, my loyal and faithful tribe.

You’re welcome.

First of all: if you just recently split up with your spouse, it’s NOT a good idea to bring your new “sweetheart” to your first appointment with your divorce lawyer. Yeah, don’t do that. You just look like a cheating fool and I don’t have one iota of sympathy for you.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Second, if you met your current spouse when he or she was married to someone else, then they divorced and married you, but now they are cheating on you – don’t cry about it. You knew they were unfaithful when you met them. What makes you think they’re going to be faithful to you? That makes you an idiot as far as I’m concerned and I don’t have one iota of sympathy for you.

Third, if you fall into one of these categories – stop your sniveling. I call it as I see it and so should you. Sure, love is blind and all of that (bleh), but divorce is eye-opening. And expensive. Use your noggin people and save yourself a few hundred thousand dollars down the road.

Photo courtesy Google Images

And men, if you’re dating a woman who has 3 kids from 3 different fathers, please, please, wear a condom. Every single time. Because, chances are . . . . Just saying. And, yes, she is most likely living off of support from those other poor suckers men and therefore not interested in getting a job. Which means that you will be contributing to her “stay-at-home-mom,” status. After all, someone has to stay home with those illegitimate brats. You very likely might have to get that second job. And, no, I don’t have one iota of sympathy for you. Did you not even consider that this might happen to you?

That last one, applies to women as well. If your new man is paying child support to more than one woman, well, first of all, that’s less money in his pocket for you, and second, if you eventually have a child with this man, that’s less money in your pocket for that baby. Just saying. No, I don’t have one iota of sympathy for you either. Did you not think that maybe he might be a – oh, I don’t know – a player, a use ’em and lose ’em kind of guy? Think about it.

Photo courtesy Google Images

I think you can all see a trend here. I pretty much don’t have any iotas of sympathy for these losers. Not that everyone getting divorced is a sex-starved loser with illegitimate children, but if you find yourself suddenly a single person jumping back into the dating pool: start at the shallow end and wade in before submersing yourself completely. Slow down. Being single is not the trauma you think it is. Think. Do your research. Do the math. Ask the hard questions.

Photo courtesy Google Images

That is all for now. If anyone needs more post-divorce dating advice, feel free to contact me. My fee is considerably less than an attorney’s average hourly rate. But, I caution you to contact me BEFORE saying “I do.”

Image courtesy Google Images

What advice do you have for divorced daters? Have any funny experiences to add to this list? I love a good should-have-known-better tale.

Word of the Day: Wampum

Fun fact about me: I love to shop from catalogs.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, January 2016. Photos and images courtesy Google.

 

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I Don’t Get It

I have a love / hate relationship with Facebook. As a fledgling author, I understand the importance of building a brand and expanding my presence on social media sites. I’m trying to do this and to be as active as possible without giving away too much personal information for hackers or offending too many people.

I try to take notice of what my cyber friends are into and to be part of discussions where I feel I can make a difference or add some witty thought. I’ve learned who to avoid at all costs; you know, those “special friends,” who seem to only post negative stuff or comments about how sick they are or what’s wrong with their kids, cars, lives, etc. That’s just boring and nobody wants to hear about it.

I have some friends who only post inspirational quotes and some who are always posting questions or taking surveys. Others only beg people to buy their books. Some only offer one lopsided political commentary. And I have some friends who are all over the board with comments; good, bad, funny, sad, etc.

What I don’t “get,” are people who post something along the lines of, “I ran 47 miles today. I am so sore I don’t think I’ll ever be able to walk again because of the horrible shin splints, blisters on my feet, and aching calf muscles.” How are people supposed to comment on these types of posts? They did something really remarkable and impressive, but then they complain about it. Are they seeking recognition for the accomplishment or sympathy for the pain?

Facebook has quickly become a forum for people to be narcissistic, especially since the introduction of “selfies.” But if you truly enjoy doing something, should you be complaining about how bad it makes you feel? I mean, if it hurts when you bang yourself in the head, I’m thinking you should probably stop banging yourself in the head. Problem solved. Don’t keep doing it and then complaining about it because I for one, have no sympathy. If you do something awesome, be proud of it and graciously accept the commendation you receive. If you’re hurting and need virtual hugs, then just admit that you’re having a bad day and need some cyber sunshine. I’ll be the first to give it to you. But, it doesn’t work both ways. That only makes you look . . . I don’t know . . . confused. Or not very bright.

For the narcissists, if you want people to think you’re a badass, then don’t follow up the Herculean feat by admitting that you suffered injury. I mean accomplishing something one time and suffering pain because of it is understandable and you’re a badass for doing it. But every day? If you keep doing the same activity every day and you keep getting hurt, I’m thinking you’re not badass at all. You’re a ding-a-ling. If you keep coming home bloodied, bruised and broken, you must not be very good at whatever you’re doing and thus not badass at all. Right?

I’ve seen people post pictures of big horrible bruises, blackened eyes, and bloodied lips that they’ve suffered from wrestling, or judo, or running marathons, or some other such activity, yet they continue to participate in the same activity. If you’re looking for sympathy people, you’re not getting it from me. Keep doing it if you love it, but suck it up and don’t whine about the pain. I mean, should we praise the bruise? Is the broken arm or bloodied limb cool? Should everyone aspire to accomplish the same thing?

I’m just not sure how to comment on these posts. Should I say, “Gee, I’m so glad you’re in pain?” “I’m rejoicing in your agony.” “I wish I could hurt so bad like you?” “I want to run marathons too so I can have those awesome blisters.”

The same thing with people who always post about their dogs or kids puking. Does the world really need to know about these events? Kids and pets get sick. It’s not a news flash. Should we all slide down this slippery slope of negative narcissism? I’m thinking this is some kind of a sickness.

Anyway, I’ll get off my soapbox now. But, I do wonder, what are your thoughts about Facebook posts? Do you engage in “discussions” where the original post is both good and bad?

Word of the Day:  Limbus

Fun Fact About Me:  I enjoy wearing high heels.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, May 2015. Photos courtesy Google Images.

Jansen Schmidt.

 

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