Have you ever want so badly to be done with something that you can taste it? Like that book you’re writing that never seems to find a happy ending. That one chapter that’s only two pages long yet you’ve been struggling all day to write it. Those seventy-five cupcakes you promised to bring to your kids’ friend’s party. That last three feet of fence that’s needed paint for two years now.
I’m there. Right now. I’m in a place that for the most part has been a lot of fun and very rewarding for me. I’ve inherited a new family who needed and appreciated me – mostly. I’ve shared in the joys and triumphs of a group of people who band together to support each other during these times of sorrow and glee. But, I’ve grown weary. And I’ve discovered the ugly side of this organization I’ve grown so fond of. I don’t like it and because of it, I don’t want to do this anymore. It is absolutely exhausting trying to please and/or appease every single person.
Amidst this group of wonderful people, lurk several individuals who outwardly seem genuinely kind and caring. However, beneath their façade of goodness dwells something altogether not nice; something nasty and vindictive. It always amazes me that people can be so bold with ideas and suggestions for “improving” things, yet slink away like cowards when encouraged to step up to the plate and implement their ideas. Or how people can take one thing out of context and turn it into a poisonous dart with a heart-seeking device that when it’s finds it goal totally crushes a person’s spirit and willingness to go on.
I suppose it’s a lack of education or understanding combined with an unwillingness to place themselves in someone else’s shoes that causes people to act this way, but it is hurtful and damaging to even the strongest of spirits. How I wish that, before passing judgment or criticizing someone else’s actions, people would stop to consider – for just a moment – what perhaps is going on in my life. Before you call me out for something that you think I did wrong or intentionally, why don’t you stop and reanalyze the situation. Was my action/word/deed so injurious that you feel it’s necessary to confront me in such a vicious manner? And do your actions perhaps wound more than just me? Is more at stake and if so, why are you hurting innocent people because you think I did you wrong in some way?
I’m not opposed to criticism and if I’ve done something horribly wrong, please point it out to me so that it won’t happen again. I’m not perfect and I have bad days. But DON’T complain and criticize then offer no solutions for improvement. And DON’T tell me how to do my job when you’ve never done it.
But it doesn’t work that way with a lot of people. I know this, but it’s still hard to wrap my brain around why people act the way they do. And it’s hard to tell my heart to stop hurting, even though I know that my attackers are small-minded, self-centered people, who in the grand scheme of things probably aren’t contributing much in any way shape or form. They’re just leeches, here to take your blood then complain that it’s not their type.
Let me tell you, it’s hard to climb up to that high road, but I’ve done it several times recently. I take comfort in knowing that the universe “knows” and that what goes around comes around and often in spades. So, while I may be down, it’s temporary and I know that I’m almost DONE. And I’m learning some things from the view down here. It gives me a new perspective. So watch out world because while I’m down here, I’m learning how to arm myself with new weapons and armor. I’m going to wallow around for awhile, but when I come back, it’s going to take a lot more than ugly spiteful words to keep me down.
How do you handle situations where you feel slighted or wronged, but know that you need to bite your tongue and take the high road? Any advice for the down-hearted?
Word of the Day: Pangram
Fun fact about me: It’s hard to sequester sarcasm.
Original post by Jansen Schmidt, June 2014. Quotes and photo courtesy Google Images.
I am sending big squishy hugs, my friend. Sorry ‘they’ are showing their claws when ‘they’ should be on thier knees with thanks and praise for the work you’ve put into your job. No mosquito bites from me, just thankful for the time we worked together. You’ve done an amazing job and don’t think some of us have notice. ❤
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Thanks Miss Paisley and may I say how delightful it is to see you here again. I hope you’re getting all settled in so you can be a regular again.
I know that you are one of the ones who knows what goes on on the inside and can appreciate the sacrifices a few make for others. I appreciate that you know that and are not afraid to speak about it.
So good to see you. Take care.
Patricia
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What I was trying to say in that last sentence is I have noticed. It didn’t sound right the way it went down. 🙂
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Wow, Patricia, I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had this terrible experience. Living down here with so many retired people, where volunteering has become our main work, I can tell you this kind of thing happens all the time and it PISSES ME OFF. It’s only the people who put themselves out there, who expend the effort, that end up being the targets of the lazy, petty people who contribute NOTHING. You shouldn’t have to put up with it and they’d deserve it if you just walked away, but you’ve hung in there despite it all. Consider it your Buddhist training in Patience and Letting Go…pat yourself on the back for taking this on and sticking with it … and when it’s over, don’t look back.
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Thank you so much for the kind words Sandy. They mean a lot. I knew it was a thankless job going in; what I didn’t expect was the amount of hostility from one or two people. But you are correct, those certain someones have no idea and never will because they are takers not givers.
Yes, I’m staying on the high road, because unlike some childish people who would just take their toys and go play with someone else, I don’t do that. If I say I’m going to do something, by God, come hell or high water, I’ll either do it or make damn sure it gets done by someone else. That’s how I roll until the job is done. My manna raised me right.
I’m so glad to see you here. I’ve been wondering how things have been going for you down there in God’s country. Keep in touch.
Patricia
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Gah! Patricia, I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with some bad apples…they seem to invade every organization and/or group, and sometimes they’re really, really good at hiding and fooling people, but their true nature always comes out eventually. My best advice is to remind yourself that these people are most likely very unhappy with themselves. The only way they can feel temporarily good about themselves is to try to marginalize other people. They suck. They ruin happiness and want everyone else to be as miserable as they are inside. Be thankful you’re not them. And remember: their opinions DON’T MATTER. You rock, girlfriend!
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Thanks CJ. I know you are right and I’m over it now, but I was sure broadsided last week. Wow to read the e-mails I got you’d think I was the biggest be-otch in the world. And I’m not.
I’m sure she is a very unhappy person and probably has very few friends. But, as they say, belittling me does not make you (figuratively speaking) bigger. It just makes you (figuratively speaking) an idiot.
It’s just a shame that her actions have hurt the entire organization not just me personally. That’s the sad part. Oh well. Onward and upward. We’re better off without that kind of attitude swirling in our pool anyway.
Have a wonderful week and thanks for your support and kind words. They mean a lot.
Patricia
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It’s always hard to swallow one’s pride, bite your tongue, and take the high road. We all have to deal with this in life whether it be certain family memebers or work associates. Better to just smile and nod and not get dragged down.
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Thanks Phil. My tongue is swollen from chomping down so hard on it, but I know you’re right. Besides I think my decision not to engage in further “discussions,” is a better form of “in your face.” This person wants a fight – I’m not going to give it to her. I’m . . . well, done.
Good to see you and hear your thoughts. I appreciate the support.
Patricia
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Ugh–this is the worst, when a great group of people is ruined by a toxic few. My style tends toward avoidance (I know, not always healthy, but that’s me), but like you, if I’ve committed to something, I do it, and avoid the toxic ones as much as possible. Then remove myself from the situation when the task is done. Whatever you end up doing, hope all goes well!
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Good morning Jennette and thanks for the encouragement. I’m not a quitter and I refuse to quit because one or two stupid people piss me off. If I quit now, they’d win and I refuse to let that happen. They don’t deserve to win.
I will see this thing through to the end and then I will let someone else have the reins and the headache. I’ve got better things to do with my time and energy.
So good to see friendly faces who understand.
Patricia
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I think sometimes we simply have to kick the toxic people out of our lives. The only way they can feel good is by bringing you down. And they are so subtle about it, too. They even make you blame yourself. I hope this is a group you can move away from soon.
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Hi Jasmine and thank you. I’m not moving away from the group, just out of a leadership position. The group overall is amazing and the general membership doesn’t even see or hear the ugly things I do as a leader.
But that happens when you lead. You put yourself at the head of the pack, which leaves you exposed to attack. My moving back into the general membership and away from the front, I’ll be safe and protected.
I knew this was not going to be easy going in, but I did not expect to fee so defeated by one or two people. I’m usually stronger than that. Must be my hormones or lack of sleep or something catching up with me. Life is like that. I’ll get over if.
It sure helps to read kind words here and know that others have experienced this same thing or at least offer their support. I do appreciate that.
Patricia
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There is one thing you must always remember, Patricia and that is that people suck. Sure, there are wonderful folks in the world and not all of them are bad, but humans have the ability to find each other’s weakness and poke and poke and poke at it. Some are mean for the sake of being mean. It can be a control technique and if you don’t bow down, you might find yourself trampled.
Ever seen “Mean Girls?” The next time these people make you feel bad, just picture them being hit by a bus. It just might make you feel better. Hugs!
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Thanks Jessica. That is what I need to hear. I agree with you, some people are just mean. And I think this particular individual is very unhappy so she’s made it her mission to make others unhappy too.
But, I’m not letting it keep me down. Sure it knocked me down, but I have the ability to bounce right back up and do it graciously.
Hit by a bus? I’ll remember that. I take great delight in knowing that if we were both in bikinis at the beach, I’d be getting a whole lot more attention than her. That makes me smile, petty as it is.
Thanks for your support Jessica. I hope things are going well for you in your search for your first home.
Patricia
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I’m so sorry, Patricia! Can the board of this organization you’re referring to vote to kick this member out?
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Hi Suzanne. Thanks for suggesting it, but I don’t think that’ll be necessary. I’m pretty sure she going to excuse herself. She’s not a participating member anyway, she only graces us with her presence once in a great while. I’d be surprised if we saw her name on the roster next year. If we do, then I must not be so bad after all right?
Anyway, it’s been more than one person over the past 4 years who have decided to unleash on me. This was just the last straw so to speak. There are people out there who like to complain and because I put myself out in front as the leader, I’m the one that gets struck first and hardest. My shield is dented, but I’ll be okay. And I know there’s a strong band of warriors standing right behind me.
Thanks for stopping by and sympathizing. I appreciate knowing that others have my back.
Patricia
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I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. Just keep those shields up, and let those heart-seeking arrows bounce off you. You’re better than whatever this person throws your way.
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Hi Suzanne and thanks for the encouragement. I do feel a lot better and stronger now that I know there’s an army standing beside and behind me. I was hit at a particularly vulnerable time when so much other stuff was going on that I literally had the breath knocked out of me.
I will fight back, but I’ll do it on my terms and I’ll do it with dignity and grace.
I appreciate your support. Thanks for stopping by.
Patricia
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