It’s been about 8 months now since my last chemo treatment. I’ve had several follow-up medical appointments, including a mammogram, all of which went well. It seems I’m on the road to recovery. The problem is, nobody knows just how long this road is. The road is longer for some than others.
Being the positive-minded person I am, I naturally assumed the road would be pretty short for me. I am, after all, in good health, relatively young yet, and fairly active. Add to that the double positive attributes of eating a sensible diet and regular moderate exercise, I believed I’d be back to “normal,” within no time.
Let me tell you, that was my ego talking. My ego was recently shown a healthy dose of reality. It seems the road is not as short as I thought it should be. In fact, I’ve got quite a ways to go yet. From all accounts, I may have 12-18 months yet. While a complete recovery is expected, it is not something that will arrive any time soon.
Oh sure, I feel pretty good most days. For a short while. But, I tire easily. My energy is zapped with even the smallest amount of exertion. My body has odd aches and pain. I still need medication in order to sleep at night. And, overall, I’m just not quite myself. My “want to” is there but my “can do” is only half full.
I’ve been pushing through the hard days because I’m of the opinion that this is the best course when dealing with that overall “I don’t feel good” situation. But, it’s getting harder and harder to keep pushing through. It takes 3 times longer for my body to recover after 1 particularly long hard day. It’s frustrating. I don’t bounce back after a good night’s sleep any more.
I know I need to be patient and I know my body has been through hell, but my mind is another issue. My brain says, “let’s plan this fun activity,” or “let’s go do this exciting new thing.” My gullible body gets talked into this craziness only to discover that my brain has absolutely no idea what’s going on with my body. Basically, my brain is full of $%*&. My body screams at me because I always go along with what my naughty brain tells me I should be doing.
Naughty, naughty brain. Enough already. I need to start listening to my body more. I get the signs, the little signals and hints that I should stop what I’m doing and rest, but I just keep on plugging along, telling myself that if I just power through I’ll feel better. Wrong. Double wrong. Wrong again. Don’t power through. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
Anyway, that’s me being whiny this week. But, it’s also a message to everyone reading this, that we need to listen to our bodies. We need to put more stock in taking it easy. We need to put more value on relaxation and rest. Powering through once or twice because you have it is one thing, but every day is doing more harm than good.
So there. You’ve been advised my friends. And if you see me on the street, remind me that I need to go home and rest.
How do you deal with those crazy days when you don’t really feel good but you’ve got things you need to do? Do you listen to your body? Are you an advocate for rest and relaxation?
Word of the day: Nudzhed
Fun fact about me: It’s not really a “fun” fact, but I’ve always been unable to sleep during the day. Napping and I don’t get along.
Original post by Jansen Schmidt, November 2018. Photos courtesy Google Images and Pexels.
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Don’t think of yourself as a nudzh, Patricia. What you’ve been going through is real, and I admire the way you’re handling it. And don’t worry about not being able to nap during the day. I do enough of that for both of us.
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Oh David I am so glad someone is enjoying the naps I’m skipping. I’d hate for a good nap to go to waste. 🙂 I am trying to be patient, but I often forget. Especially after a few days for feeling really good. That’s when I forget and just overdo it. I’m learning. Slowly.
Thanks for stopping by with your encouragement. It’s always nice to see your smiling face.
Patricia
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I love your positive attitude, and I definitely think optimism plays a huge part in recovery, even when dealing with the reality that you’re not 100 percent…yet. I haven’t been through all that you’ve been through, but I often feel the same way. My body isn’t as young as my mind, apparently. What a bummer! Some days I can work through it and others I can’t, so I try not to get frustrated and just go with the flow, although this year has been tough. It seems anything I do takes twice as long and I tire out faster than I want. Ah, the joy of getting older. May your week be filled with unstoppable energy and deep, deep rest! 🙂
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Coleen, I try so hard to be positive. Even when I really feel crappy I try not to let it show. Maybe if I was a bit more cranky somebody would ask me how I’m feeling and I could say, “Well, not very good actually,” and then they would say, “why don’t you go home and rest.” Maybe I’ve been going about this all wrong hmmmm? Anyway, a positive attitude definitely helps the body heal. Everything is connected.
Thanks for the positive vibes. I shall try to stay rested.
Patricia
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Hi Patricia. I don’t know much about your cancer issue, naturally, but know enough from friends and relatives that have gone through it that it sounds like you are in the norm. Cancer kicks butts and no need to try to hasten the recovery which only makes it worse. But enough of the advice column. Always remember, my advice and $350 will get you a cup of coffee at any Starbucks.
I have experienced the “listen to your body” syndrome from another angle…age. No longer the young stud that my ego thinks, I am confronted every day with the reality. In fact I wrote a poem about it if you’d like to read it. https://thecvillean.org/the-arthritis-shuffle-a-poem/.
As for the napping. I was just like you for most of my life. Just couldn’t take mid-day nap if my life depended on it. My Patricia, however, has always been a nap champ. Many times over the years I’ve said, you could put a pool table on the 50-yard line of a stadium full of spectators and she would climb up on it and be asleep in less than a minute. I used to hate her! Well, not really. However, since I have retired I have finally mastered the art and now rarely miss that siesta time. Hopefully, you will acquire that talent as you age.
Didn’t mean for this to turn into an essay. Just wanted to say I hope your “can do” gets filled to the brim soon.
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Thanks Al. I appreciate all positive energy, good advice, healing juju, etc. I’m sort of a workaholic so staying put or napping has always been one of those things that’s considered a “waste of time.” Time wasting is bad luck for the workaholic. I will create things to do just so I don’t have any down time.
But, not any more. Lately, I’ve been setting aside time to sit quietly, read, watch something nonsensical on TV, or just ponder. It definitely has healing powers. Notice I said I “set aside time,” which means it’s still an activity that I have to plan for, but, hey baby steps right?
Thanks for visiting. Your poem was lovely by the way.
Patricia
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Hugs, Patricia. It’s a long road, but worth it.
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Thanks Marlene. I need hugs. And reminders. And sometimes kicks in the rear. But, I’m getting there.
Patricia
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It’s so frustrating when your mind is active but your body has other ideas completely. I went to a mindfulness group for a while and I found that very helpful. It helps you find a kind of inner peace and listen to your body, which, in turn, helps you rebuild your strength.
Your pace may be slow, I wish for you that it is also steady.
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Thank you for your encouragement. You have hit the nail on the head exactly. My brain is the problem. I can’t seem to quiet it – ever. I have a hard time falling asleep because my mind just races a mile a minute. I relive the day, plan tomorrow, make a mental list of things to do before the end of the week, etc. I think I’m just subconsciously afraid I’ll run out of things to do so I must always have a project.
I’m learning though. I’m resting more. Still not enough, but more.
Thanks for visiting. I love seeing new faces and smiles here at the Edge of Eternity.
Patricia
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I was worried when I read the title, so I’m glad to say it sounds like your bounce-back isn’t broken, it just isn’t as bouncy as it once was. I learned the need to listen to one’s body with my fatigue issues–powering through not only doesn’t work, it makes things worse in my case. It’s no fun when we just don’t have the getup and go to do all the things we once could, but I’m glad you’re already figuring out what works, and making it work for you. (Un) Fun fact about me: I also can’t take naps. Which is really not fun combined with insomnia…
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I guess you’re right, Jennette, my bounce back isn’t broken, it’s just out of gas. I know my tank’ll refill eventually. I just have to be patient. As soon as a little bit of juice flows in there, I immediately use it up. I have to wait for a nice reserve to build up before I charge at things full speed. I am learning, but I’m a slow learner.
I know what you mean about insomnia and naps. I wish I could nap sometimes because I don’t sleep at night. (sigh) Oh well, I guess there’s worse things we could both have right?
Take care of yourself my friend. Always good to see you here.
Patricia
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OMG, you scared me! Do take care of yourself, Patricia. In fact, for the next year or so, that should be your number one priority. The time will pass quicker than you think, and one day, you’ll wake up and feel like your “before” self. 😀 Now, your brain apparently has gotten the message. Listen to it, please!
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Oh goodness – sorry for the scare. That wasn’t my intent. Thank you so much for caring though. That means a lot.
I know that eventually I’ll be back to “normal,” but I’m not a particularly patient person when it comes to certain things. I’m one of those overachiever worker bees that has an agenda and everything has to get done on the agenda before I can call it a day. Lesson learned: put fewer things on the agenda.
Thanks again for your caring. I appreciate all the happy thoughts I can get.
Patricia
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I, too, was worried when I read the title. I’m relieve that’s it’s not really broken. But a slow bounce back is still a bounce back. Yay for that! I’m also one who can’t nap–even when I should. But I’m learning that I must slow down, I must relax some times. It’s hard when you’ve worked all your life, but it’s not only doable but enjoyable sometimes. Focus on the enjoyable–the time will go quicker and so will the healing.
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Thanks Lynette. I’m learning that baby steps are still steps. I’ve always figured that if I can’t keep up with the forerunners I shouldn’t even start the race, but that’s not the right attitude in most instances. Overachievers have a hard time learning this lesson.
I appreciate the kind words and the encouragement. So many people have goodness to spread around. I like that.
Thank for visiting. Enjoy the rest of your week.
Patricia
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Hey there! I’m a big advocate of listen to your body and rest when you need it. You’re a brave and strong woman. Hang in there!
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Thanks Suzanne. I’m getting better as listening to my body, but there’s just always so much to see and do I’m afraid I’m going to miss something while I’m resting. (sigh)
I appreciate your confidence in me. Thanks for stopping by with encouragement.
Patricia
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