Is This The Real Life, Or Is This Just Fantasy?

So, the daily grind has pretty much come to a screeching halt. Life as we’ve known it has changed. At least temporarily. And yet, life goes on.

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Look For the Beauty

It is with heavy heart that I write this post. Not because of the election results. I’m not overjoyed (I remain hopeful), but neither do I feel the need to slit my wrists. I am saddened because of the ugliness that followed the results. Come on, America – knock it off already.

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What Facebook Personality Type Are You?

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. I try to pop in every day or so to see what’s going on with my “friends.” Sometimes I post stuff, sometimes I like stuff, sometimes I use those cute newfangled emoticons. Usually, what I do is snort, scoff or laugh at other peoples’ posts.

Ever notice that there are some people you can bet money on what their post is about? I have. I’ve comprised a list of the FB personality types I come across most often on my feed. Because – and I think I’ve said this before – I’m a giver, I’ll share my analysis with you. Please keep in mind that some people fall into more than one category and I am in no way asking you to unfriend me. This is simply my observations about the most commonly posted stuff. I, undoubtedly, have fallen into one or two of these categories on occasion myself.

Here goes:

Bragging soccer mom – These posts are ALWAYS pictures of their kids with some clever or cute sentiment about how amazing the littles are. I’m not opposed to these posts, I just get tired or seeing them. “Here’s number 412 of Johnny at X event.” “Here’s little Susie all dolled up in her ____ (fill in the blank).” “followed 2 seconds later by another of Susie in one of her other 800 cute outfits.” Are you living your life vicariously through your kids? Can we see just one picture of you doing something interesting?

Overjoyous grandmother – Yup, this one’s like the one above only it skips a generation. Again, I love seeing the cuteness, so don’t stop, but you might want to throw in an occasional instructional video about how to cook something sinfully delicious that no one’s ever going to cook up. Your grandkid didn’t get cuter in 15 seconds.

Perpetual sick-o – Do you, like me, have that the one (or a dozen) “friend(s),” who always has something ailing them? Sometimes their ailment is accompanied by a disgusting picture or description of their illness. Or, if they’re not sick, someone in their family is. Let’s find something positive and post that tomorrow shall we? I’m tired of hearing about everything that’s wrong with you and/or your loved ones.

Excessively needy –  These are the people who subtly boast about how awesome they are by posting negative stuff. Like how much pain they’re in because they’ve just climbed Half Dome at Yosemite in 15 minutes. Or they have injured themselves – again – for the umpteenth time in karate class earning their tenth black belt. Do these people just need sympathy or do they think they’re bad ass? I have no sympathy. I’d rather you just post the accomplishment and leave it at that. If it’s the pain you get off on, then just say that, don’t use the poor, poor me post to brag about yourself.

Humorous meme sharer – I think these are the people who appreciate good humor but are themselves not funny so they post cartoons or pictures with captions that make people laugh. I love a good laugh, and I have often shared some of these clever witticisms, but once in a while I’d love to see an actual post that you’ve typed up yourself.

YouTube abuser – This one’s pretty easy to figure out. Have you noticed how many videos are being posted on FB these days? Seems like I get dozens of them a day. They slow my computer down. Let’s use the video clips sparingly people.

Political activist – This one is self-explanatory. Just stop people. Stop right now. I know where you stand from the first hundred dozen posts. And – here’s a shocker – your posts are not going to get me to change my mind or my opinion. Stop already.

Nature lover – Only posts pictures of nature too beautiful to be real. (See photo above for example.)

Save the world prayer seekers – Again, stop with the pictures of grossly disfigured children. I don’t need to see them. I know where to donate charitable funds. I’ll pray for everyone not just these poor unfortunate souls.

Sales people – This one is tough because as an author, you want to make people aware of your books and where to buy them, but some authors seem to only put “buy me” posts up. I’d like to know a little bit more about you. Let’s see some clever posts by the author so I know whether or not your book might be enjoyable.

World travelers – Ever notice how some people always seem to be going somewhere or doing something? I am sure they have regular lives like normal people, but every day there’s a new post from somewhere other than their home. Yay for them and I love the super cool photos or super cool places, but sheesh, when do you do your laundry or pay your bills?

So there you have it, my analysis. Keep in mind, this is just my own personal FB feed and yours will look different. However, I’m sure if you take the time to look and keep track, you’ll find one of two of the types listed above on your feed too. And again, don’t hate me people; this post is mostly tongue-in-cheek.

If you fall into one of these categories and you think I’m making fun of you, well, I probably am, but that’s how I roll. If you really know me, you know that I laugh at myself as well and if I’m laughing at you, it’s because I really like you. If I ignore you, watch out; that means something else entirely. I scoff because I care.

How about you dear readers? What kinds of trends do you see on Facebook? Do you get tired of some of these offenders? I’d love to add to my list, so let me hear your thoughts.

Word of the day: Hautbois (alternate: Hautboy)

Fun fact about me: I think I’m one of these FB post offenders.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, April 2016. Photos courtesy Google Images.

 

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Nesting Rituals of the Modern American Woman

Nesting rituals. We all have them. Some of us take longer than others to complete them, but complete them we will before settling in for the night.

What the H E double hockey sticks am I talking about!?!

I’m talking about those little routine things we do every single night, without fail, rain or shine, in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer, before tucking our tired little bodies into our cozy little beds each night. They include things like circling the house and double-checking that every door is locked, all lamps are extinguished, anything edible (including the trash) has been safely cordoned off so the dog cannot get to it, and so on and so forth. We prepare our nest.

The ritual also includes a rigorous regime of removing make-up, washing our faces, applying anti-acne, anti-reddening, anti-wrinkling, anti-sagging, anti-pigment-inducing and anti-aging solutions. This is followed by applying a series of creams, lotions and serums to plump, moisturize, hydrate, lighten, tighten, brighten, exfoliate, tone, even, smooth, correct and protect our skin.

We then brush our hair vigourously, brush and floss our teeth, apply lip balm, hand cream, foot lotion, cuticle oil, and any other product deemed absolutely necessary to keep our bodies youthful and beautiful.

And why do we do this night after night?

We do this just so we can go to bed knowing that we have taken every precaution against the harsh elements battling our youth and good health every day. Many of these processes are repeated upon waking, but using different ointments, potions and elixirs formulated specifically for day time use only.

Are we insane? Are we paranoid? Are we fortunate enough to have countless extra minutes at the end of every day just to indulge in these rituals? You tell me.

What does your nesting ritual include? Inquiring minds want to know.

Word of the day: Postliminy

Fun fact about me: I am Ambidextrous

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