The Great Confiscation – Damn You TSA!

So, I think you know that I recently traveled to Appleton, Wisconsin to attend the Writer’s Police Academy. It was a blast!! Met some amazing people and learned some super cool stuff. Getting there was fine; 3 flights, 4 airports, no food, and 2 really quick trips to the restroom while running through airport concourses to my next flight. But all-in-all, not too bad. Coming home? Not so much.

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I Just Wanted Some Pants

I’ve been in a “getting rid of” phase here at Casa Baer. I’ve unloaded some unwanted things and given away some things I still want but never use (can you say good-bye to about $1,000 worth of gorgeous high-heeled shoes), and made my jewelry box about ten pounds lighter. It was time to donate these items to new homes and people who will – hopefully – enjoy them the same way I did for years.

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I Don’t Even Want To Know

I’ve been in the innkeeping business for a little over 5 years now and I am still amazed at how many times something totally new and unexpected happens. Just about the time I’m sure I’ve seen everything, along comes something completely new and – dare I say it – more weird.

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I Just Don’t Get It – A Photo Journey

I consider myself a reasonably intelligent and caring person, open to new ideas, non-judgmental and a variety of other adjectives. I see and hear things that make me go, “hmmm,” and I see and hear things that make me go, “what?”

And then there are things that make me produce the expression on Steve Harvey’s face above.

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Things Forgotten

So another week is upon us and I find myself wondering: what left behind items am I going to find today? Last week was epic for people forgetting stuff. We hit the Mother Lode of things forgotten. Every day we came upon some poor item left behind in one of the guest rooms.

Oh sure, we’ve found items before now, but nothing of significance. Quite a few times I find little pills on the floor or on the bathroom vanity or even in the bed. I’ve often wondered if I should call the departed guest to let them know that someone forgot to take their medicine (I’d hate for someone to have a heart attack because they failed to take their preventative pill). But then I follow that up with, “what if an extra pill just dropped out of the bottle and if I call them, they’ll panic and take an extra one and have a heart attack or something because I’ve frightened them?” It’s such a quandary.

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Should There Be Boundaries On Creativity?

I’m a writer. Writer’s tend to be overly creative people. We have overactive imaginations. We think differently than others. We see the world from a different perspective. We hate math.

Did you just shutter at the graphic? Did your eyes glaze over? Did you automatically say “24” after the first line because the multiplication tables were drilled into your head in the 5th grade? Well, you might be a creative person.

It’s no surprise. A lot of folks are creative. For instance, musicians, actors, artists, all rely heavily on the right sides of their brain. It’s the left-brainers you have to worry about. But sometimes I have to wonder, should we limit the extent of our creativity? I know that goes against the whole premise of this blog (“Where imagination abounds, nothing is impossible”), but hear me out. Consider these wacky inventions, then I’ll ask the question again:

What is the purpose of this? So a blind person knows where to hold the glass?

 Pizza cutters not trendy any longer; we now need scissors? And who even eats a slice of pizza this small?

 Here’s the answer to sweaty palms. (Jenny Hansen at More Cowbell has probably known about these for years.)

 Wanna see who’s following you, but don’t want to turn around?

 All the tables at your favorite restaurant full? No worries, just sit yourself down and order up. (I’d avoid the soup.)

 I call this one – the Nap Lap.

 Tired of messing up your whole face with that damned lipstick? Here’s the answer you’ve been looking for.

And my personal favorite:

Are you a busy mom but worry about setting your baby down on the dirty ground in order to get those dreaded chores done? Well, here’s the product for you.

I’ve got to admit, that last one is genius. (Does that make me a bad person?) But seriously, how can anybody holding a baby properly wash their hands after using the restroom? I’m sure this invention was created by a man; I’m just sure of it.

And so folks, after seeing just a minuscule display of the wacky stuff that people “create,” do you want to change your answer? Should creativity have limits? Or do you agree with me, that maybe we should just put a boundary restriction on inventors. Yeah, that’s it.

What’s the craziest invention you’ve come across? Have you ever purchased something “clever” to make your life easier? Do you want any of the above items for yourself? Hey, I won’t judge.

Word of the Day: Guipure

Fun fact about me:  I love starfruit.

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, April 2015. Photos courtesy Google Images.

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I See London, I See France, I See Godly Underpants?

Today I wanted to share a hilarious video that I’ve stolen from my dear friend Jenny Hansen’s blog. http://wp.me/1sxbT If you don’t follow Jenny, I recommend you at least check it out. She’s a hoot.

I laughed so hard, I almost peed my, not so christian underpants when I saw this video.

I hope you enjoy this little bit of silliness this Monday morning.

So readers, do you wear “good Christian panties with a godly cotton panel?” Come on, spill it. We’re not judgmental here at The Edge of Eternity.

Word of the Day: wherry

Fun Fact About Me: I do not wear thong underpants. (Women of a certain age and body type should refrain from wearing underwear with strings.)

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, January 2015. Video courtesy YouTube.

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Middle-Aged Chicks Are Hot!

If you’re hot and you know it raise your hand.

Photo courtesy Google Images.

Oh, me. (hand raised high) Me, me, me, me, me. I’m hot and I know it. (This is me — in my mind — a really hot chick.)

But not all the time. Most of the time I’m the same temperature as everyone else. But sometimes, I’m raging hot. Wildfire hot. Exploding gas hot. Oh, I’m not on fire, I’m just having a hot flash.

Sometimes those hot flashes happen at night, while I’m in bed, all cozy in my fuzzy jammies. Those night time hot flashes are the worst. Wake up all wringing wet. Have to strip naked and take a cold shower. What kind of madness is this?

Photo courtesy Google Images

(This is me — in reality — a really hot chick.)

Yeah, I know. I’m as surprised as you are. What the hell happened? What happened to the woman in the yellow dress?

Well, we all age and there’s not a damn thing any of us can do to stop it so we might as well share a laugh about it — right? So, here’s a mash-up video from Chonda Pierce about women of a certain age. I hope you enjoy it. Feel free to laugh out loud.

How are you aging? Gracefully? Or kicking and screaming? What do you do when “those” moments hit? I’d love to learn any tips and tricks for staying comfortable and sane through this “phase.”

Fun fact about me: I older I get, the more adventurous I get.

Word of the Day: Theurgy

Original post by Jansen Schmidt, November 2014. Photos courtesy Google Images. Video courtesy YouTube.

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What Haven’t I? Valentine’s Edition

Well it’s the middle of the month and time for my February edition of What Haven’t I? Congratulations to January’s winner, Jennette Powell.

This year I decided to show my readers a little bit more about who Jansen Schmidt really is. We kicked the year off in January where you learned about some of my show business experiences. This month, in honor of Cupid, I’m going to let you ponder my wicked ways. I look forward to your quesses and I must confess to being very curious as to just how wicked you believe I am. Yes, I will be awarding prizes again this month. You don’t have to know a single thing about me to play. All you have to do is record your guesses in the comments section below.

Remember, three of the answers are things that I have actually done. Only one is something I have not done. Unless there’s a trick question. I’m nutty that way. And, you can’t win if you don’t play. Have fun and good luck!

My responses will be posted on February 21st. The person with the most correct guesses will win a prize (if they check back and acknowledge that they have won by leaving another comment) AND the first person who responds back, regardless of how many responses they got right, will also receive a prize if they leave a second comment.

So without further ado, let the guessing begin:

#1 – What haven’t I slept in:  a) the nude; b) boxer shorts; c) my underwear; or d) silk pajamas.

#2 – What undergarment haven’t I worn: a) spanx; b) garter belt; c) merry widow; or d) g-string.

#3 – What person haven’t I kissed: a) a cowboy; b) a helicopter pilot; c) a barber; or d) a car salesman.

#4 – What alcohol haven’t I tasted: a) Jagermeister; b) Kaluha; c) Tuaca; or d) Grand Marnier.

#5 – Where haven’t I had a sexual encounter: a) in a car; b) in the shower; c) outside; or d) in a hot tub.

Word of the Day:  Quintal

Fun fact about me: In sixth grade I was the tallest kid in my class. (Unfortunately I’m still the same height today.)

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